Friday, September 29, 2006

It's the angles that I notice.
The angles correspond with the lights.
The angles fixate my mind on shaped perfection.
It makes me proper.
I want order!

Or in other words, how we view life is dependant on the light corresponding with the angles.
It's the lights, the angles, and the human mind.

This night was fun. It was last night. Just sitting in Yonatan's room watching and listening to the music. I love being in that room. What did we call it last year? The "boredom room" but it's not like that anymore. This is me with the guitar, my nails are too long to play it. Nati had to leave early no fair :-(

Then we started watching Brother Bear, but I had to leave b4 it was over. I love watching movies by Yonatan's. we didn't do it in ages.

I love this pic, that I just HAD to put it on my blog. Sometimes I get jealous of myself, it's weird, but anyway I hope you all like the pic too!


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

(Read my comment to this post- it's the post of the next day just as a comment cuz I didn't feel like making it a post)

I LOVE learning new words. I just learned the word Vertigo, thanks to, hehe Thanks Benjy! It's great to have a bigger assortment of words to choose from when I'm writing poetry and when I want to sound smart :-)
Today I felt so special so many ppl wanted to sit next to me and it made me so happy
Thanks yon for writing on your blog! I havta go back and read it again.
Last night at Gan Sacher- surprise b-day party for Yoni and Natanel. So much fun, so many people.
I got back my math test today, didn't fail. :-) I got the passing grade, like the grade that is JUST passing, that's cool, though, cuz I didn't fail! And I'm staying in that group.
I miss seeing Anna every day now.
Jerusalem is getting boring, I miss the Kinneret. The water, the waves.
One good thing about J-M, though, is that it's very photogenic. You know, the crevices of the stones, the scratchy sidewalks, the vintageous feeling that comes out even on photos, the antique look.
Today was a shitty day at school but somehow it wasn't so shitty! Like, all the classes were annoying ones, but somehow I managed to keep myself happy being happy and hyper and talking a lot and telling people about different countries (-a topic that i LOVE) and taking tons of pics with my new phone and looking at them over and over again (I LOVE looking at photos for the lognest time)

I'm the type of person who goes up to attics and finds all sorts of old things. I'm into that stuff. That's how I discovered about 1,000 wonderful photos and photos of my parents from way back, a scrapbook my mom made when she was 9, all sorts of nostalgic beauty.

There's something really special about bringing back forgotten things.

Whoa, seems like i LOVE a lot of things, lol, I guess that's how it should be with my favorite things (geography, photos, nostalgia, water...)

U know, life is good when you think about.

Don't worry Anna, we'll all cross our fingers, it'll happen! I promise

Friday, September 22, 2006

Grandma and Grandpa's House right on Lake Michigan

Whoever says that it's impossible to miss a plot of land and a house, is downright wrong.
There are three homes that I miss, this is one of them.
I hope everyone has a good year

If I could sum up the year, well, I can't.
Because it's all the little things that made me who I am,
And all the big things that enable me to speak of the little things.
I was in all the places I love most;
I was with all the people I love most.
Some people became more annoying this year;
Some people became more likable.
Some aspects of life became complicated,
Some were molded by music,
Some by failure.
Some things got easier
A lot got more interesting.

Become / The Goo Goo Dolls
There's so much more about you that you never let them see
You turn away
But not to me
And I know how they tried to take you
Held you up and meant to break you down
But you can't be

For so long I tried to reach you
I know I'm almost there
I'm close enough for you to see

You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It just helps you see
Can you see

Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

And I can't be the stranger
That's been sleeping in your bed just
Turn around and come to me
I feel all the pain inside
And everything you been denied you feel
It's all you feel

You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It helps you see
Can you see

Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful
Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

Brush back your hair and look around you
Feeling like the truth has found you here
You're here with me
Let love become the mirror
With no fear where you're from
You have become beautiful

Thursday, September 21, 2006

If Benjy lived in Israel everything would be so much better. I'm torm between the good and the better, or the bad and the worse and I don't know which is which.

Hanging, waving through hazy skies
Catching onto dusty clouds
Melo stars
A risky moon.
Something is missing
Every step is a misconception
Every breath is out of place.
Pulse that rises
Blood rushes,
But in the end-
The ground is far-
My feet at a distance.
A distance from what?
-I do not know.
But I know that things are buried away
And other things are too different to let out
Because the backdrop isn't matching
And the props are a discomfort
And the actors are pretending
And the music rises
But the world is away.
Tucked away,
Beneath ashes of strangeness
And you lose things
Just to find them in the wrong places
And you find things
Because they were never meant to be there,
Because nothing was.
And is this it or is that it?
Is none it? Is it so far
That my mind is lost?
Is this love?
Passion fights for the right moments,
But they can never come
When the little things are terrible mistakes.
Dreams release us
Into a fake ecstacy
Into a life of hypocrisy
And hatred
And shame.

And this is not how it's meant to be

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

It's now 2:22 in the morning. Last night I went to sleep at one so the whole day I was exhausted and at one point I just got a really bad headache from a lack of sleep. I fell asleep at 8:00 last night And woke up at 11:40, then went back to sleep, and now I'm awake again.
Even if I only go back to sleep in an hour I'll still have gotten about 10 hours of sleep, so I'm fine staying up a bit. My dreams were weird, and pretty eerie, and I didn't dream about what I wanna dream about.
I'm all hot and sweaty, maybe I should take a shower. Maybe I should go write a long letter to someone or a long poem... But I have nothing to write.
And I'm probably going to erase this post tomorrow cuz it's probably really stupid.
I don't undertsand Yom Kippur. Why do we need to apologise to God? I undertsand that if we see ourselves as bad and wrong then we will be more careful with what we do and we won't destroy the world so easily, but why the hell would God care what we do with the world? Okay, so he wants us to keep it nice and whole, but why does he want us to be nice to people? What does he care if we are hurt or killed. If he is in another dimension then why does he take into consideration things that are 100000 time less than him. It seems weird that he would be interested in us, as if it's only god and us in the world, yeah right. As if the ruler of the world would have us be second to highest.

And it's wrong to have people be born into a certain religion, because then we are not objective about it. And when I asked religious ppl certain questions about religion that don't make sense sometimes they say "you're right; That's a good point" well shit it is, but the reason they didn't think about it is cuz they were born into this, so they don't really need to think about it.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

All of my life is part of a process. I come up with some idea and then later on I realize that was just a small part of a larger idea and it all leads into one heap of concepts I'm trying to tell you all

"and most humans dont even thiunk like me and are dumber and dont think of any higher possible level but just like there are animals under the ocean and we live on earth and the air is also a type of ocean, and theres the sky above, so its all levels and were only one of them, and ppl needa understand that"

-I wrote to Gabi, on an msn convo. I believe so strongly in the words I say.

(Read my comment to this post)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I won't be able to write on my blog anymore, because I just have too much to say; Too many words to express; Too many things to tell you about. Too many things to tell the world...

Maybe there's one thing in the world that can say everything. Maybe a kiss.

And why do we keep our feelings so secretive?

I just figured out everything:
Well, so animals have their level of intellegence, and to them it's all there is, it's the highest they can get. They see the world from their point, and that's the way the world is. But we know, that the level of intellegence that is possible on this earth is highter- it is our level. They don't know what they're missing.

And I feel the same.

I feel like I'm using the most of intellegence that is possible, and we think it is the Most, BUT it is NOT, there is a higher level.

As humans, we are blind. Just like animals and other living creatures below us, we see the world from our point and we think it is the best. We think we have so much knowledge.

But we are tiny, we are little specs, walking around and doing petty things here. And I KNOW that there are higher levels of intellegence, understanding and capability, but it is like screened out from me, it's like a whole color scheme that we cannot comprehend.

I'm really not expressing myself well. If anyone understands what I mean, help me rephrase my point.

One of my favorite poems:

O rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

-William Blake

Just found a blog by someone who really knows how to write well... I admire people like her.

And here's a link to another blog, which has a music clip on it. Beautiful music, even if you don't like the style.


this is a beautiful poem (the name of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is from this, and in the movie Mary [Kirsten Dunst] quotes lines from here) :

Poem of the moment:
Seducing Discriminated
thoughts Back into my head
Forcing the unwanted to come.
Waiting for my feet to stand still, shivering,
even though the sun appears to be Right Here.
Piercing the normality of human rights and desires.
Mending together the pieces of observed love.
Watering sick branches.
Tending dead gardens.
Waiting for grass to grow upside down.
Earth to be above, Sky below.
Oceans from heaven, waves falling from the clouds.

I'm going to make a blog or website of my poetry. Hopefully soon, because all the words are tearing the seams of tolerance and I need somewhere to put them.
I need a place for words.

Someone inspired me to start writing poetry again,
And I'm thanking you, becasue it brought out all the things I don't know how to express otherwise.

Monday, September 11, 2006

I need to break free.
I feel so captured. So attacked.
Locked up
In a box
With only corners.
Shabbat in Chashmonaim, that was the funnest Shabbat I've had in years (except for the one in Florida this summer...) But wtvr, I loved it I was so happy, I was so myself and I was FREEEEEEE!!!
The edge of the world where eternity becomes mortality and love becomes insanity. Where the oak is sore and the trees sway in the chaotic heaven I call love.

Dream on, Dream Always.

Jungle Life
(From today. Officially from Sep14, thursday)

More than just Liberty.
Because Liberty is the term that pulled us down when we were prosperous.
And enough with Peace,
Because Peace is what caused every single reason for war in the world.
And I want more than Love-
Because Love is just what people like to call the Escape from this Dangerous Life.
And I don't like Joy,
Becasue Joy is when you have to contain yourself and not let go of what you want to lose.

What I want is More Liberal and more Peaceful and More Loving and more Joyous than anything.
What I want is something beyond the shallow human standards.
I want the ideal.
The eternal Dream that people think of but don't know how to realize.
That abstract wish in everybody's mind.
The adventure.
The unthinkable and the unspeakable and the unimaginable.
I want to let myself go.
I want to feel the Life.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006



Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The classes I appreciate and enjoy most...

The classes I detest and dread...
All the Limudei Kodesh

I'm gonna write a book. And in order to do that I need to know psychology so it's good I have this blog where I analyze ppl and myself so I can learn more of what goes on in the human brain and I can develop realistic and unique characters in my book. They have to be different from me, and in order to do that I need to know what "Me" is so that I can create the opposite. And once I can formulate full personalities and life styles and a plot, I'll be able to construct a good book. This is how an author should work.

You've gotta take things apart and analyze them before you can put them back together again.

When things aren't orderly to some extent I feel lost. Must be from some trauma or something I don't know. And part of that need for orderliness means knowing exactly how much people know about me and that they don't know too much, so it's hard to trust people.

Monday, September 04, 2006

More pics are coming, my internet connectoin is just running really really slowly... there are really gr8 pics tho! so check my blog tomorrow.

I am soo nosey! And I hate having to wait so long for stuff because then I imagine it and dream of it so much that when it actually comes, it's not as great as it should be.

I've come to the conclusion that ppl in love should be best friends, too, in order for their relationship to last. Because lust and eagerness end, yet you can never get sick of a best friend.

I always have stuff to say, or things I want to express, but I never manage to express myself and I always feel like something is missing and I'm waiting for the day when I will be simply satisfied and I will have expressed everything I need to ever express and I will know that I said everything I want to say and I will be happy with who I am and who I have and where I live and what I do. I'm just waiting for that miracle to come along... And maybe that miracle is a person.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

FUck SChooL

First day: No grass. That's what a nature-lover like me notices at first glance. Just a heavy, bland rengtangular building plotted in a dusty oasis in the middle of a dusty town.
That's the way it is.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

I'm dreading school like you don't know
and crap my phone broke. So I'll go on Sunday to have it fixed
Shabbat was OK

Friday, September 01, 2006

We were just at the beach and it was so much fun! Next time I'll havta remember to bring a bathing suit... lol!
And yes Yon DOES have a six-pack even though he denies it.
This is YON'S BLOG, check it out!
I hate how the guys are so embarassed to be without a shirt like what's the big deal? Anyway most of them have good bodies (or 6-packs that they won't admit they have...) SO they like swim out really deep so no one can see them and then they're liek all out there and far awat and secluded and we can't even talk to them if we want to. But it really fun being just a bunch of girls togetehr too... We were like trying not to get too deep cuz we were wearing normal clothes but then once we got soaked we figured 'what the hell' and went all the way in (almost).
And BZ released balloons into the air, which is the thing she's always wanted to do, and it was so amazingly amazing. And sorry BZ the photos I took didn't come out good.
This was in general really fun and...

(photos coming soon)