Sunday, December 30, 2007

השיר האמיתי ואז שלי:

לכל איש יש שם
שנתן לו אלוהים
ונתנו לו אביו ואימו

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרם לו אלקים
וגרמו לו אביו ואימו

לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו קומתו ואופן חיוכו
ונתן לו האריג

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמו לו קומתו ואופן חיובו
וגרם לו האריג

לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו ההרים
ונתנו לו כתליו

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמו לו ההרים
וגרמו לו כתליו

לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו המזלות
ונתנו לו שכניו


לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמו לו המזלות
וגרמו לו שכניו


לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו חטאיו
ונתנה לו כמיהתו


לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמו לו חטאיו
וגרמה לו כמיהתו

לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו שונאיו
ונתנה לו אהבתו

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמו לו שונאיו
וגרמה לו אהבתו

לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו חגיו
ונתנה לו מלאכתו

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמה לו חגיו
וגרמה לו מלאכתו

לכל איש יש שם
שנתנו לו תקופות השנה
ונתן לו עיורונו

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרמו לו תקופות השנה
וגרם לו עיוורונו

לכל איש יש שם
שנתן לו הים
ונתן לו
מותו

לכל איש יש סוד
שגרם לו הים
וגרם לו
מותו

Exchange

Standing on top of our hill of love,
Rolling kisses down the slide,
Words circling the center of the world,
Passion draping down the sides,
Pouring security through grass and rock.

And then
A volcano erupts through golden gates,
Glowing lava is burning our secrets
Till they are merely
Scattered letters, emotions and colors,
Cascading down a slope
Into a pit
Into the ground
Through the world
And into somebody else's heart.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I am waiting on the corner of an edge,

Where lost thoughts fall

And lost memories seep

And broken hearts collide.

It's a pile here,

A pile of emotion

Drowned by rationality and routine.

I live where I am the negative of the positive,

The flower in the background,

Filling the scene with guilt and silent beauty.

I am the voice that's falling back

Through our regretful moves,

The simple laugh

That knots itself in awkwardness.

I am the existence of a complete cycle

Of dry letters that make dry words in dry sentences.

I am waiting on the corner of this life,

Where great minds end up

When there is no more room to let them explain

That we are all floating on the surface of a deep sea,

Glued to the ground of a vast universe,

Locked in a square,

In a room,

In a world.


I don't know where I belong.
Because here in this world there is Language, and I need another medium to express myself.
Here my footsteps are noted as monotone,
And n my home planet
my vision would be expressed by so many other beings in so many ways that I would be building myself upon the given, not through the negative. I would be able to choose words out of what they've said, rather than choose words that they've thrown away.
I would be a part of a schematic value, instead of being another mind thrown away into another corner of another routine.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

I found what's beautiful:
It's the human ability to notice and concentrate on one small hidden thing while the mind is filled with millions of other things.
I just came to a higher categorization and definition of things. I mean, I didn't know why it's so wonderful to look at something tiny, swaying in the wind. I think this is it. Or at least I'm getting closer to the truth of my analysis.
It's like when you can watch a leaf blow, a bug walk, or how you can stare into someone's eyes, while in the back of your mind you have all the bazillion complications and confusions of life, and you leave them aside for a moment, just to be able to Look.
That's Beauty.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Who would've known that on December 22nd (winter) the weather would be so beautiful and warm that we would be eating out back for lunch?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oh, I just forgot about scrapbooking.
I forgot that I like scrapbooking.
I should get to work sometime
Before I forget everything that I started

Ceci n'est pas une pipe / Rene Magritte


THESE ARE NOT LEAVES

Just like Magritte tried to shake reality with his surrealist art, I will try to shake reality, too. I'm starting from his point, and moving up, because I want to do a similar thing, in a different way.
He wants us to view reality all over again.

I'm sure that when he told people "this is not a pipe", the majority of humans looked at him and thought he was crazy.
Like when I'm trying to explain what I see, when I'm talking to a friend, a parent, or even an art teacher. They try to simplify my vision, tell me they have no fucking clue what I'm talking about, or just nod and walk away, forgetting that maybe there's another way to view the world.

Forget that people told you these things are "leaves".
They are not anymore.
Forget what everybody taught you.
Relook
At the shades, the angles, the melody,
The hidden beauty that is only hidden in your eyes.
To me it's very clear, it's right there.
Why do you all seem to pass it right by?


Saturday, December 15, 2007

Realizationism
Extraodinaryism
Simple Existincism
Beautiful Simplicism
It's Right Here-ism
Noticism
WHAT am I searching for?


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I want to start a project.
Since everyone is entitled to self-expression, and since everyone's self-expression adds a new meaning and importance to the world, I want to give under-privileged children the opportunity to express themselves through art.
I want to collect art supplies- canvases, papers, wood, paints, paintbrushes, pencils, colored pencils, pastels, chalk, charcoal, crayons, water colors, etc, and then distribute them to children who don't have the money or the motivation to express themselves on their own.
I believe art is one of the greatest mediums for expression. Whether it's writing, drawing, painting, whatever it is, it helps us understand ourselves and the world we live in or the world we want to create, and I want every child to have the opportunity to get beyond the small square of passivity.
I want MY ART to be the beginning of A REVOLUTION

Everything is Beautiful

Everybody's Someone / Leann Rimes, Brian Mcfadden

And every day begins the same
Get up, go out, come back again
Same old, same old

A thousand faces pass you by
You never look into their eyes

You feel so ordinary
They feel so ordinary

Hey
Everybody's someone
No matter where you come from
there's light in every single star
You're more than who you think you are
And hey
Everybody's someone
And when it's hard to hold on
Remember you are not alone
This house is everybody's home

And every day we seem to chase
The perfect smile, the perfect face
Same old, same old
Same old

For every one who gets to shine
A million more are left behind
They feel so ordinary
You feel so ordinary

Hey
Everybody's someone
No matter where you come from
there's light in every single star
You're more than who you think you are
And hey
Everybody's someone
And when it's hard to hold on
Remember you are not alone
This house is everybody's home

From a king to a common man
We're all part of a greater plan
Oh
There's light in every single star
You're more than who you think you are
Hey
Everybody's someone
When it's hard to hold on
Remember you are not alone
This house is everybody's home

Hey

Sunday, December 09, 2007


f l y

For every thousand times your feet touch the ground and solidify your movements upon the still earth,
Take one leap into the air and give up that chance to be sturdy for the opportunity to be free.


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The concrete and abstract beauty of the world / The systematic and random beauty of the world. (Which one is defined better?)
(These are for my art project)

The next day: My final title--
The undefined and abstract beauty of the world through all five senses.

Everyone is entitled to the right of expression
Every minority, child, outcast, human.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


שיהיה לכולם חנוכה שמח =)

Monday, December 03, 2007

Updates about my art project...
I've narrowed it down (Yay, congratulations Miriam)
=)
So I think my theme will be Enthusiasm/Inspiration through the abstract beauty of the world.
And then I thought of another idea, too. The idea of smells- which has to do with memories and inspiration, too. Every precise shade of a smell raises a certain moment in the history of your memories.
So wait, before you get all huffy, just notice that I only raised TWO ideas now and that is a big accomplishment!!!
Yay, so if anyone wants to help me get farther... Is there a way to combine the issue of abstract beauty and smells? And how would I display the sense of Smell? I mean that's nearly impossible in art, it would be so hard. Is it worth a shot? So I guess I'll end up sticking to my first idea, abstract beauty. This might be hard to display, too, since I don't want to IMPLY anything in this project, I just want to have the viewer go into my head for a second. Like force him to feel the enthusiasm out of the beauty. It's possible. It's hard. It takes a real artist to do this. Will I manage?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

It's funny. People don't listen unless you give exact measurements. You can't just say "I am scared", because people will think you are over exaggerating a minor feeling. Instead, you must say "I suffer from a paranoia disease called blah blah..." and only then do they start caring.
You can't just say "I waited forever", because people will think you're exaggerating to get sympathy. Instead, you must say "I waited for 5 hours and thirty-two minutes", and only then will anyone realize how long you've waited.
You have to say "I've got seventy-nine fans" instead of "everyone loves me", or "ninety-eight people slapped me" instead of "everyone hates me".
You have to say "I am happier than five-hundred degrees of happiness".
"I was late to class because my grandmother's uncle's dog suffers from blah blah disease and I had to take care of him."
"I'm late for class because the bus took forty-seven point three minutes to finally come to the bus stop. And then after I got on it took another twenty-one and a half minutes to come to a full stop in front of the school, and it took me zero-point-nine-minutes to reach the door of this room". And all that shit

And
"I love you more than a bazillion roses and a bazillion tulips and a bazillion hugs."

Saturday, December 01, 2007

GIVING AWAY ISRAEL?!?!

The Palestinians showed a map of the "soon-to-be Palestine". It was a picture of all of Israel.
We can't pretend that we we will be able to live in peace with a divided country. They will kill us until they have us out.

In the time of Gush Katif, the belief of supporters of the expulsion was that now that the Arabs have land they will be happy, they'll fucking STOP THE TERRORISM. Those people were proven wrong.
Has the terrorism stopped?
In the past
two years the terrorism has gone down, not because the Palestinians are attempting fewer attacks, but because of a higher AWARENESS of the IDF. The IDF is protecting YOU from dying.
So who
naively thinks that by giving up parts of our holy country we will survive more? No, we will survive LESS, and prepare to say BYE-BYE to our Beloved Israel.

Israel was born,
And Israel will die.

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!
cultivate peace
INSPIRE

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Why do I see things the way that I see them?

This is a good time for self-examination, self-analysis, self-understanding.
Why I look in that certain angle
Or in that certain way
And why I see these things like this
And why I feel like that?
And my beliefs are not beliefs; They are routine!
(I do something, and then say it's what I believe, it's the objective way we live)

Anyway,

I think I find particularity in the general view because I know that the most influential and dominating things are the things nobody notices. I know Secrecy, I know that there can be hidden takes behind the way things run, something that people would not think about. So a chair is a chair-- Bot NO I'm saying. No. A chair is all the shades and angles that correspond with what's behind. It's a still scheme of simple and intricate Beauty
entwined with all of our original knowledge and understanding and point of view. It is the deep emotions we feel when we see those exact colors and angles and shapes and sizes. It is a work of art. It is Beauty in all it's form, and I cannot explain this in a better way. Chairs, polls, leaves, bricks, water, I could stare, take pictures, I'm trying to explain to you all what I see and what I love. This is what I love, it's how the water ripples and the trees sway in this Chaotic world!

INSPIRE
INSPIRE
CULTIVATE PEACE

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I am sad
for an unknown reason.
I think I just realized how much I missed out by not saying everything
all
at
once.


I mean,
I could talk about everything
but I am subtle because I choose to try and smoothly tie everything up in a ribbon.
I try to make things organized in a stylish way.
With tones of my type,
and shades of mainly aesthetic account.

Monday, November 26, 2007

grumble grumble

Sunday, November 25, 2007














BlueHors

Thursday, November 22, 2007

DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE


flowers grow
@->--
when people are good


These are the schemes of me and you right now:





BluHorse

INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

i luv u so very much

Monday, November 19, 2007

I shall start my own art movement

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Tomorrow is the last last last date to have all my plans down of my avodat gemer in art. And I just remembered that little detail, and it came along with my realization that I don't have an idea!
Well, it's more right to say that I have too many.

I want to do something about beauty, or about inspiration, or what inspires me, or who I am. I want to do about how everything you look at, has in it everything in you. Meaning, every object has every shade of every memory. And I want to do something about nostalgia, memories, and how they inspire me, and how they build who we are. And I want to do something about music, and how it's connected to everything, and connected to memories and how when you hear music everything you see looks different, and every note corresponds with every angle and every color. And I want to do something about Words, because that's what I am. I want to express how words are everything. Words come together with everything, all the beauty and music and inspiration and nostalgia.
And I want to do something about people. And how people are distant, and people are roaming. And Mortality, and how life is like a thin thread that can be cut short at any moment.
I want to incorporate photography, and words, as I've said already, because I love photography and poetry.
And something about reflections, and reflecting myself.
And something with angles.
And I want to show how everything is connected to everything else. Like a layer of things and layer of things on top but they aren't placed directly on top, but on an angle so that everything is touching all the different things on top to create different varieties and schemes, because that's what everything is.
And, of course, I want to express the heating volcano I am, and how it's dying to explode.
But then I realize- that is what this art project is, it's my opportunity to explode, so how can I talk about my difficulty of expression in this artistic chance of expression?
This IS supposed to be the expression.
This is time to take the lid off the volcano and let the fire out,
Not talk about the fire that's inside.
But then I realize
I don't even know what's inside
Because there's been so much for so long, that it's all jumbled up by now.
I don't know what's inside.

INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Friday, November 16, 2007


כל ישראל אחים זה לזה

Wednesday, November 14, 2007











Forever

INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Monday, November 05, 2007



The middle square is the point I'm trying to show: The line starts at point A, goes up to point B, but we don't see the process. Only the result. The process here is covered up with a blue square.
What I'm trying to show, is that in order for two people to get to the same goal, they go through a different process, so in a way when you expect two people to get to the same point, it takes them different amounts of effort.
As an example, I'll say two students who start school. At the end of the year, they both get 100. One was smart- never worked, one was dumb- worked her ass off. It isn't fair. But all we see is the result, and we don't give the proper credit.
And we're all trying to get to point B, and for some it's harder which makes it unfair, because society judges us by the result, not the process.
So the different squares are all different possibilities of processes to get to point B
long 2
intr.v. longed, long·ing, longs
To have an earnest, heartfelt desire, especially for something beyond reach.





[syn·er·gy

n. pl. syn·er·gies

  1. The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.
  2. Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.]
Our power is synergy. If alone we have a strength level of FOUR, then together we don't have eight, but SIXTEEN.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

I want to pick you up tomorrow in a universe of promises
With clouds
And stars
And smiles
And the gift of Freedom and the freedom to Be.
I passed my driving test!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Second sketch of my mind

The middle is my mind. It's a combination of everything around the circle. The combined colors in between the main ones are just an expression of how they are all connected to each other to create more things.

This is me.
All inside of me, and it's trying to shoot out through the tiny holes through my skin.
It's stuck in me like a cannon trying to shoot out. But I don't know how to let it out.
Drawing these schemes is actually helping me.

I'm a volcano that's locked on the top
This is a roughly-accurate scheme of my mind and the two emotions that the undefinedness of my mind leads to (below).
The teacher laid out about 25 papers with either words or shapes. She said we should take the word/drawing that represents how we feel and explain why. No, this is not a support group, this is class. This was after half the girls went to Poland, she wanted to know our reactions to Poland. So I took a sketch that looked similar to the one below just more organized (I changed it a bit here to capture my mind a bit more accurately) and I chose the two words below and told her this is how I feel, not having to do with Poland. And she asked me to explain. If she believed that this is truly how I feel, she wouldn't have asked me that- because obviously if I picked up the word SILENCE it means that's how I feel so I'm silent so I can't explain. But obviously she thought I'm not serious, like how most people pick up emotions along the way just to define themselves but it's not true. Well, this is true.
And I was silent for the rest of the day.




I am a Tornado. But a silent tornado. That's why everyone thinks I'm mediocre.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Living in a modern era doesn't give you the right to give up!
We are living off the ashes, and you are letting go.
I CANNOT STAND THIS ANYMORE
I'M NOT EVEN ABLE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THE PROBLEM
It's that I have to keep quiet because I don't know how to say anything. I have to keep everything inside and it's killing me so much.
And every time I try to say something to ANYONE they look at me like i fucking fell from mars
no one knows
THAT
I
DON'T
KNOW
HOW TO
T A L K
17 years I've been working on it, and I still don't know a thing. I know a lot, actually, but it's all INSIDE OF ME, nothing even comes out. It's building up like a cannon, like a flame, like a gun shot, it's trying to push out, like it manages to do for most people. maybe most people have nothing to say.
MAYBE I HAVE TOO MUCH TO SAY.
And maybe all these years I've actually said nothing. And now I want to say.
Say what?
That's it-
I don't know what to say.
What's in me is not words. It's colors, it's memories, it's emotions, it's light.
It's a bazillion things.
A bazillion things that have so much room in the world, liek an empty spot waiting for me to come out and shine, but I can't. I simply wish I could.
I Do Not Know how to express myself.
I can't in words, in painting, in photography, in music.
In nothing.
IN FUCKING NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
That is all the things I do NOT know how to express.
I am slow, steady, so that I won't rush my mind through the invisible swiveling doors that I keep banging into.
All the words that were even spoken in the history of the world can never explain well enough how I feel. Therefore, I will believe that I feel nothing.
I will be defined as Emotionless: Not belonging to any words.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Hypocrisy

I HATE HYPOCRITES
When I see one, I want to go up to him and yell at him, and show him, and make him CHANGE, so that he won't be a hypocrite anymore.
I felt this so strongly on Shabbat, in Ramat Beit Shemesh.
First of all, one thing that I hate is when people eat sunflower seeds and drop the shells on the ground- not even on soil, so they'd be able to somehow disintegrate, but on asphalt roads, where they just sit there- as if some maid is gonna come pick them up after them, or even better- it'll lie there and litter the city. SO when people do that, I want to ask them "What do you think you're doing? This country is not your garbage pail!". But usually the people who do it are in general not such respectful people, so I let it go.
But then, when I see black-huge-furry-hatted, black-coated people (charedi-dressed, obviously), I expect them to be wearing that costume for a reason! If they're like everyone else, they should wear what we all wear. Besides the fact that they kill animals and wear them as hats, that costume is supposed to represent something- I assume something spiritual, righteous, holy.
And then I hear them talking lashan harah and nibblilng on sunflower seeds and just DROPPING the shells on the floor. They're touching girls and laughing with the guys who are dressed like man whores, and it's Shabbat.
Their behavior was so different from their outfit, that someone whispered to me "is that a costume or is that for real?"
I wanted to go up to them and say, "Who's gonna pick up the seed shells that you're dropping? This is Israel, you're Supposed to be Caring about Israel, you fucking hypocrites!!!"
Even I care about Israel, and I don't dress like that.

Anyway, onto another topic, here's a beautiful poem:

גשם בשדה הקרב / יהודה עמיחי

גֶשֶׁם יוֹרֵד עַל פְּנֵי רֵעַי:
עַל פְּנֵי רֵעַי הַחַיִּים אֲשֶׁר
מְכַסִּים רָאשֶׁיהֶם בִּשְׂמִיכָה-
וְעַל פְּנֵי רֵעַי הַמֶּתִים אֲשֶׁר
אֵינָם מְכַסִּים עוֹד


Monday, October 22, 2007

It's a blue horse it's a green horse it's a purple horse, a red horse,
It's a gone horse
It's a real horse
It's a new horse
It's wrong.
It's right, it's blue and purple
Black.
Can you tell me where it's running
Through who's woods
And why is it so lost,
Blue horse,
Stand like we should all stand
Hold my tears from falling,
Blue horse, bad horse, sad horse,
Blue.
In these deep solitudes and awful cells,
Where heav'nly-pensive contemplation dwells,
And ever-musing melancholy reigns;
What means this tumult in a vestal's veins?
Why rove my thoughts beyond this last retreat?
Why feels my heart its long-forgotten heat?
Yet, yet I love! — From Abelard it came,
And Eloisa yet must kiss the name.
I can't believe you're too scared to tell me
And I can't believe it's bothering me so much.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Maybe we are all meant to be the same, and our diversity is just the result of rebellion and not expression of our true selves. (I am human [i think...], which makes it hard for me to look at humanity objectively, but I try).
A large part of our thought is determined by our life occurrences- the way our lives are run forms who we are, which decides the we way our lives are run.
Therefore, it's a circle. If we all have the same lives, our minds will be the same, which will lead to us all having the same lives.
And the other way, too. The more different our lives are, the more different they'll be- the more different we'll become, the more different our lives will be.
So either we were born the same and became different, or we were born different.
That's the question: Is being different an expression of being our true selves, or is it an expression of trying to stop being the same? And if it's the latter, then why would we Choose to defy our nature and be different?
And that leads to another question: Which is easier- Being the Same, or Being Different?
Maybe the answer to this can help us answer the previous question: If it's easier to be different, then we can't know if we were born it or if we chose it. But if it's easier to be the same, then perhaps we were born different.
INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Sunday, October 14, 2007

A beautiful day in the history of the world

This is an ice-pop wrapper from this beautiful day

And this is a kif-kef wrapper from this beautiful day

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I don't know why, but it frustrates me so much when people don't understand what I'm saying.
With small stuff like if I say it was fun and they think I said I like the sun (cuz it rhymes so they mistake my words)
Or with bigger stuff like if I'm saying that my breakfast was arranged in a nice way, with colors and angles in good places, and they tell me food is supposed to be eaten and anyway I didn't have enough nutrition in that breakfast of mine.
Like, what the fuck?
People just entirely miss the point.
Like if I'm saying that I'm annoyed cuz this thing is taking so long they say it's okay because anyway cucumbers grow in the ground. I mean, sometimes there's just NO connection between things.
I'll say white is good. They'll disagree by saying black is bad. I'll say this is Fluzzly, they'll say flamingos are big, to prove me wrong.
No relevance
You see what I'm saying?
So much beauty breeding so much inspiration and motivation.
In colors, in lights, in angles, they all correspond to create the surreal scheme of reality.
There's so much to take in, so much to inhale, so much to see.
And so few ways to express it all and let it all back out, so it piles up in me and makes my brain be FLAMES.
In writing, words are floating in the air and it's hard to grasp onto the right ones. They chant the soft melody of the world but you have to be so precise that it can hardly ever express everything you want to portray.
In painting, in photography, I try to freeze one shot of what my eye sees- since I can't show you what my eye sees, I show you in my photograph.
I want you to know what I see and who I am and what I want.
But it's so hard to express it all.
It's locked inside me.
I want you to notice all the small beauties of the world, all the perfection that there is, all the nostalgia that makes you who you are.
Don't just walk your path- pick everything up along the way.
And always remember
Keep Looking.
INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Friday, October 12, 2007

Why can't the whole world be one big amusement park? Instead of doors we would have invisible screens like in a virtual ride where it opens up into a new world, there would be a curtain and when you walk through you're in another place.
We would stand on line and buy tickets for everything in our lives; tickets for happiness and tickets for disappointment and tickets for love. And if we don't buy enough tickets, or the right ones, our balance will be wrong. And we'd pay for the tickets so when our money'd run out we;d be able to buy no more Feelings. You'd just have to stick to who you are until you get money again.
And you'd be able to trade the tickets. Like trade Beauty for Intelligence or Intelligence for Beauty (depending on if you're in The Race, because The Race is about beauty*)
And we'd have small businesses like popcorn stands, and cotton candy, and clown shows, and we'd do performances on stilts and that's how we would meet people- going around performing. And when the budget would be low we'd have to give up on a few rides.
And there would be steep water slides, which would give us a prominent feeling of Non-Controlability, and rollercoasters, which would make us feel high and Losing Ourselves, and we would have bumper cars and that's how we'd get around. And we'd always have to stand on line for everything. Lines for Fame and lines for Happiness and lines for Perfection. And if you'd be pushed to the end of the line you might end up on the wrong line; on the line of Failure or Depression or Misunderstanding. And each ticket can be for any line which can be for any ride so you always have a combination of everything, that's where the complication and confusion is. Like you could buy a Hope ticket for the Patience line and the line will lead to the ride of Inspiration, and that's who you become. Hopeful and Patient and Inspired.
Inspired and Patient and Hopeful.
And then you'd wake up of course.
And there's no inspiration and no patience and even no hope.
There's just You.
*The Race- now became a real phrase in my dictionary, thanks beez :-)
INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Monday, October 08, 2007

We went around in a circle, 7 minutes each, kind of basically scheming out our plan of what we'll do for our final art project at the end of this year. We did this in a public discussion to get feedback and new ideas from everyone else. And I knew what I wanted to say but it seemed like forever before it was my turn, so I listened carefully to everyone because I always like to learn from everyone else.
When it was my turn, I said about how there's so much beauty in the world and I want to capture it but I don't want to tell people in my project "notice this" or "notice that" I wish they just already noticed it! Because once I have to cause someone to notice little beautiful things, they aren't noticing them anyone. So my art project can't be proving anything or showing a point because the point is already there- just open your eyes! It's all right in front of you.
They thought I meant that bad things are beautiful like war and school, but they didn't understand.
And I'm talking to you as if you understand (whoever You are) but maybe you don't either.
And then I started talking about inspiration and how there's inspiration in everything, and there's inspiration in memories- and everything triggers some sort of memory, like colors, smells, shapes, everything, and that's where the inspiration comes from. That's what makes me want to jump out of my skin, even at this very moment, because even talking about it is inspiring me. But where does all that inspiration go? Well I'm trying to keep my sanity right now I'm trying really hard to write this all down and not jump but I'm totally jumping inside. And also, I hate when I tell ppl that I'm locked up and they say "what are you talking about? You're not locked up, go unlock your front door, no one Locked you, you're not Locked." Becasue everyone thinks I meant Literally. No.


Btw I am so sick of ppl saying they're fat when they're not. "Oh, I'm so fat" "Oh I need to go on a diet" "OMG, you're totally NOT fat, look at me, I'm SO frikin overwieght".
And if any person ever says anything of the sort to me again, well you know what? FINE, you're FAT what do you want from me? SO go on a frikin diet and lose all that mass of weight

INSPIRE
INSPIRE

Saturday, October 06, 2007

So much inspiration, no way to express it all. Can't find any way to express myself.

Friday, October 05, 2007





The world is too beautiful for me to take it all in. So my goal as a small human being is to be inspired and take in as much as possible.