Friday, August 31, 2007

We are all philosophers

Philosophy: the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct.

Philosophy is not just what experienced theory-developers think of.
Philosophy is ALL the concepts we figure out in our daily life.
All the conscious and subconscious conclusions we come up with in our minds.
From the simplest things like what color this is, to more complex things like emotions or comparative thinking or rationality which leads to a better understanding and definition. (Two levels of thinking: Natural and Rational)
And we all see things and understand things differently, depending on our genetics and mind-capability and experiences. So all of our final conclusions of every little thing are a tad different, and they are all philosophy. None of them is right or wrong, they are all theories of The Roaming.
And they are all rational investigations of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


We saw Synergia Live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING AMAZING (Or "spectacular spectacular" from Moulin Rouge) And we weren't just standing all the way in back- we were right in front!!! (I mean it wasn't such a big place but still!)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

imagining the future swimming pool that shouldn't be expected, and the kitchen with orange and red-striped walls that'll make me dizzy

Saturday, August 25, 2007

You ruin my memories with your cynicism and your negativity.
The past in your mind is negotiable- I don't see it that way.
You alter it.
History can't change.
The past is the way it is, don't pretend it was stupid just because you weren't scared to have fun.
And maybe you were immature,
But this is what your life is about.
If you keep erasing what you had,
You will have nothing.
And it's harming me having you do this to your memories
Because I am in them.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Predictions of the Lost

Last night was overwhelmingly loud and stuffy.
I didn't feel well, so every time I was shoved among people, I wanted to part the ocean of bodies and walk out through a clear path. No noise, nobody.
I wanted quiet. Like when you're in a mess of stress and disorganization, you want to just Run Away.
Then I went back. Boy was that dumb. I really was planning on going home the first time but my escape didn't work, seeing as you called me about 30 seconds into my disappearance.
That's fine actually. But it would have been better to just go somewhere else, not BACK.
Sometimes when you leave somewhere it's only so that someone else can pull you back in in a better way than how you first came in, but this time I really DIDN'T want to go back. Didn't want anyone to pull me back in to the noise.
Plus, I HATE the sound of fireworks.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

It's a ladder twined in ropes of ivy
And thick messes of leaves and twigs.

It changed since last time I saw it.

Last time the ivy had not yet grown into a strong army of fighters.
The twigs were bending threads of gold.
I thought it was delicate,
Like the softness of your voice used to be.

But you tied me up in knots
I am locked on the steps that do not lead me anywhere.
This ladder might as well fall and crash
Like the emotions you've never had.

You want to own the world
You want the world to surrender to your power But we are here
We are only going to get stronger
Through this hatred you've built in us.
We fight now with our words
We used to fight with the strength of our truth.
Truth does not matter to you
You do not cross the paths of honesty or willingness to provide your own supply of happiness.
You are happy only when we fall hostages in your kingdom.
The more you want us to come
The more we want to run away.

Even though I once wanted you to understand.
I don't want it anymore.

Because you will never understand.

Even though I miss you
Now that you are really not with me.
Now that you try to be my enemy.
Now that you yell, curse, and wish you could beat me up until I have no tears left to cry.
You can't do that to me

Because I still remember the part of you that wants me to be happy.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I realized what my problem is.
They aren't artsy.
They sit around and drink and I want them to be painting
I want to sit around with artists.
People who watch and observe.
People who write. Paint. Form. Create.
I want them to be more like me.
I want to talk about angles, not beers.
Colors, shapes,
not hookups.
I want them to look at the world,
Not at each other.
I want them to see beyond what you people see. I want them to understand.
They don't have to look like me or
talk like me.
I just want to be with people who I can open up to.
People I can be serious with. Artistic and creative with. People I can write with, paint with.
When I'm 18, I'm searching for my friends.
You artists I haven't found yet.
You beautiful artists.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Eloisa to Abelard

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

[I miss the united states when I realize that the difference between here and there is so big.
Here I wonder if I'm sad. I wonder if I'm just TRYING to be sad- I think about being sad. I think- am I sad? I doubt my happiness
And there-
I don't even think about it.

I wish my grandparent's house could be a place I visit frequently. A place I have as my second home- a place second best, but best. A place I WANT to have only as second best (because right now it's the best, because the rest is less good). A place I want to be like every other place, but still beautiful.
A place that makes me happy without me having to realize- 'This Is Happiness".
I want it to be ordinary.
I want it to be like it always is-
But I want to be in it.

All the rest take it for granted-
I wish I could, too.
I wish it wouldn't be nostalgia there-
Rather, just a place I am IN.]

To everyone else, that's crazy.
I'm looking for things to complain about.
Well I'm done with wondering what everyone else thinks.
Well, at least I wish I could be over with it.
But I think this concern will be with me forever.
I will always be strapped down by people's criticism.
I will always be scared.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

For God's Sake, Just Be It!

Is it called giving up
When you decide to STOP
Trying to rearrange your thoughts?
When you try to stop thinking about thinking
And stop needing so much order and
Stop being impulsively desperate to know everything right NOW
And just slow it
Slow the fucking mind
And lay in bed and go to sleep,
NOT thinking about Every single thing.
Just lay there, like a normal person,
Like a patient human-

I tell myself-
PRETEND you're patient.
Because of course I can't REALLY be
Because REALLY
If you wanna know,
I'm not patient-minded
I'm always
making sure EVERYTHING is perfect
Rushing what's ahead,
What's behind,
What's NOW.
I am already living tomorrow and next year in my head
Every second
Because I'm always SEARCHING for things to think about.
sometimes I want to just let things BE
sometimes I want to just let things HAPPEN
You know, like have tomorrow be a surprise

So now-
I give up.
I tell myself-
Pretend you're Patient.
Just be it.

Just be it for a little while,
So you'll be able to fall asleep,
So you'll be able to be normal.
Just be it.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

3 sneezes is genetic