Saturday, December 27, 2008

הוא אמר לי לא לדאוג
אז אני מפסיקה לכתוב על הבלוג לעכשיו
=)

כל הדברים שהיו חשובים כבר אינם חשובים כרגע.
כאילו כל סדר העדיפויות השתנה בין-רגע
וכל הדברים שצופפתי בראש שלי
וסידרתי בטווח הזמן הרגוע שהיה לי
והתמקדתי בהם ותיכננתי אותם כי היה לזה זמן ואמת,
פתאום מתעופפים ממני ולא נשאר מזה כלום.
יש בי רק פחד ודאגה
ברקע של השימחה,
ואני רוצה, כל כך רוצה, שיהיה בסדר
אני קצת מפחדת

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

סודות

אני רוצה לרקום משהו אמיתי מכל הקצוות הפתוחים
והקשרים הרופפים.
אני רוצה שהזיכרונות שאני מנסה לשכוח יהיו המקור
שממנו אשאף השראה
והבנה
ורצון להתעלות ולבנות
אני רוצה גם להוציאם וגם להשאירם בי
גם לדעת שבגללם אני מבינה הרבה יותר
וגם להוריד את הנטל שהם גורמים.

ואני רוצה בעצם לייצר ולבנות
ולדעת שהכל התחיל
בסוד
שמישהו גרם לי.
לדעת
שהארס הזה שהם השאירו מאחוריהם
עזר לי להיות מופלאה
ושמחה

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

פסגות

אני לא יכולה לחכות
עד שיהיה שלג בפסגות ונעשה שטויות
ויהיה הכי כיף בעולם!
אני כל כך מתרגשת!!
ואיזה כיף יהיה בעוד שבוע וחצי

Monday, December 22, 2008

אני לא יודעת מה לעשות עכשיו.
אני פשוט יושבת פה וכאילו נזכרת בדברים
או לומדת דברים חדשים
או מתעייפת.
זה לילה כמעט
חושך כמעט
והכל סביבי רדום וקר.
שמחתי מדבר אחד, ממש התרגשתי,
ועכשיו אני זוכרת שאני שמחה גם ממשהו אחר
אז זה שמחה כפולה
אולם אני עדיין עייפה
ועדיין לא יודעת מה לעשות עכשיו
חוץ מלכתוב את זה ולחשוב עליך
צריך שכל אדם יידע ויבין
שבתוכו דולק נר
ואין נרו כנר חברו
ואין איש שאין לו נר.

וצריך שכל אדם יידע ויבין
שעליו לעמול ולגלות
את אורו ברבים
ולעשותו אבוקה
להאיר לעולם כולו

הראי"ה קוק-

Sunday, December 21, 2008

ככה אני מרגישה

מצאתי משהו שכתבתי לפני כחודש:

* לעולם לא אשווה
לאותה הילה
שעיטרה את החזית
של המלחמה הקודמת *

אבל אני כבר לא יודעת אם אני מסכימה עם זה עכשיו. נדמה לי שבהתחלה חשבתי את זה כי עדיין רק הייתי חלק קטן, אבל עכשיו אני חלק יותר משמעותי, ואולי לא צריך להשוות בכלל? לא יודעת. אבל בכל מקרה, אני לא בטוחה אם אני יותר טובה, פחות טובה, אותו דבר, או פשוט משהו אחר לגמרי.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

כנרת
שלכת
ניצן
יובל (הראשון בתנך שהמציא כלי נגינה)
יונתן
דניאל
אי אפשר לכתוב כאן את כל הרשימה זה מידי ארוך...
הרשימה המפורטת שמורה במערכת :)
חיחי

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

ערימה של דברים
אבל דקה של הקול
וזה מרכך אותי
-------------------
עדי לימדה אותי היום לקח חשוב:
"בחיים, אבל בחיים, אל תחשבי שאת לא טובה מספיק בשביל מישהו!"
אני אצטרך להפנים את זה
לפני שאני אהיה בטוחה שזה המצב

Monday, December 08, 2008

From a long time ago, "Who's most likely to...?"

Miriam
Will win a noble prize
Will invent a new language
Will win a beauty contest
Will travel the world
Will have a pet hippo
Will be a drug dealer
Will go to the moon

Sunday, December 07, 2008

I am happy and sad at the same time.
עצובה ושמחה בו-זמנית
That's why me and her get along so well:
We have the same history
We share the same nostalgia,
The same memory of something
We've never experienced ourselves
But is rooted deep within us!

It hit us today:
Our parents grew up in the same decade in the United States,
And that is why there are songs that make us cry
Not out of sorrow,
And that is why
We can understand each other so well.
הפעם, כמו בפעם שעברה, הייתי כל כך שמחה שבדרך הביתה לא הייתי צריכה אפילו לשמוע מוזיקה כי השמחה שלי היתה כבר מין ניגון שהתנגן לי בראש... וחייכתי... הרבה!
איזו שמחה! איזה מתוקי אתה!
כיף לי

Thursday, December 04, 2008

פתאום אני מנסה לצופץ רגשות של יום שלם ובגלל שיש שניות של שקט אני פתאום אומרת משהו רק למלא את חלל הריקנות בקו
וזה בכלל משהו מפגר שלא התכוונתי להגיד
ואז
ביי
והמילים כבר אצלך ואין לי שליטה על מה שאמרתי
רק מתחרטת וכועסת על עצמי

בך לא נוגע

יהודית רביץ
מילים: דן תורן
לחן: דן תורן

יש דובים גדולים ביער
ופחד מורגש
ריקודים מול האש - יש
ינשופים ונחש

יש מפלצת בתוך הנהר
רעבה וערה
אבל החדר חמים ונעים
ואת ישנה

הבל פיך התמים
שקט ורוגע
שום דבר לא מפחיד
בך לא נוגע

יש מלחמה באמצע אירופה
הימים שחורים
שיירה בורחת בלי בית
מפני הרעים

יש חיידק משוגע שפוגע
חסר הבחנה
אבל החדר חמים ונעים
ואת ישנה

הבל פיך התמים
שקט ורוגע
שום דבר לא מפחיד
בך לא נוגע

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNu5KCO48Vw

Saturday, November 29, 2008

אפילו שאין לי סיבה
אני בודדה

Friday, November 14, 2008

45 years after Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech about freedom and equality, about black segregation and injustice, the United States of America have their first black president.

כתבתי את זה לגילעד ואז החלטתי לכתוב את זה גם פה

על אלה אני בוכיה עיני עיני ירדה מים כי רחק ממני מנחם משיב נפשי היו בני שוממים כי גבר אויב

על אלה אני בוכיה
על מילים שלא זוכות לזרום באויר העולם
ולהתערבב בין שאר המילים ושאר המנגינות.
על צבעים שיכולים להתאים למשהו נצחי
אבל לא זוכות להישפך על גבי האדמה
ולא להתחבר לצבעים האחרים
אלא נשארות בתוך עמקי הנשמה
בתוך הכלא שהוא אני.
אני רוצה להיות חלק מהנוף, חלק מהטבע.
על זה אני בוכיה-
על כך שאני עדיין לא.
ובאותו זמן,
אני צבע שכולל בתוכו את כל הצבעים
כל כך הרבה צבעים וגוונים
שאי אפשר לדעת איך לחלק אותם
איך להפריד ביניהם
איך לא לרצות לעשות הכל, כאן, עכשיו.
איך לא לרצות לצאת מחוץ לזה, מחוץ לריבוע.
על אלה אני בוכיה-
על כך שיש כל כך הרבה יופי אבל הוא חולף
ואין דרך לשמר את הרגעים בהם אני כל כך מורמת,
כל כך גבוהה בשמים, כל כך קרובה למשהו נשגב והלוהי
ואז הוא מת
הרגש הזה מת
ואני חוזרת להיות כמו כולם, יושבת, מחכה--
ועל אלה אני בוכיה

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Humans

[Humans are not invisible.]

It's so sad.
We sometimes want to reach out to those poor slipping souls
Who used to stand strong but now
Let their legs fall down and curl beneath them.
They are little specs, little dots, in the universe,
there's no way for them to fight against what is wrong,
They think.
They said they could
But when push came to shove,
They just flowed right with the negative flow,
Blindly,
Tragically.
Like a smoker,
Who cannot help himself
But to indulge in the life-destroying habit.
As if they are not strong at all,
They are born
And cannot do anything to help themselves.
Like hungry dogs chasing after food,
Like hopeless men drooling over women,
Like an insane follower of vapor and of money,
Chasing it, chasing it, chasing it,
Not stopping to breath but just
Fucking clinging on and dragging along
And his flesh is tearing off of him
And no sign of humanity is left in him.
But I suppose, the blindness itself is the humanism.
Because that is what we do.
We cling, we follow, we drag, we drool, we give in, we don't try, we give up.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

יהודה עמיחי:
פעם ישבתי על מדרגות ליד שער במצודת דוד,
את שני הסלים הכבדים שמתי לידי.
עמדה שם קבוצת תיירים סביב המדריך, ושמשתי להם נקודת ציון.
"אתם רואים את האיש עם הסלים? קצת ימינה מראשו נמצאת קשת מן התקופה הרומית. קצת ימינה מראשו"
"אבל הוא זז, הוא זז"
אמרתי בליבי: הגאולה תבוא רק אם יגידו להם:
"אתם רואים שם את הקשת מן התקופה הרומית? לא חשוב. אבל לידה, קצת שמאלה ולמטה ממנה, יושב אדם שקנה פירות וירקות לביתו".

יהודה עמיחי

ואל תאמר, אהיה אשר הייתי
כי לא תהיה אשר היית, ואל תשכח
שגם פרדס אפל נותן פרחים לבנים
ואל תשכח אותי

"כל מילות האהבה הפכו למילה אחת, שאותה שכחתי. בכל פעם שהיו משוחחים סביבי, דימיתי לשמוע בכל אחת ממילות השיחה את אותה המילה האחת והיחידה – אך אף פעם לא הייתי בטוחה שאמנם זו היא.
ובכל זאת, כל מי שפניתי אליו אז בדיבור, אפילו מתוך טעות, מצא בדברִי את מה שביקש ולחץ אותי אליו ברוך."

Friday, October 10, 2008

Yom Kippur

A symphonic choir of voices rising up above us, into the heavens, into the souls.
All together, all together,
The sound of a song in unison, hundreds together, together.
In one room, one echo, one love.
One peace and one piece.
Louder, louder, just loud enough to help you close your eyes, slowly,
Sound waves blowing like wind,
All together, all together,
Beautiful notes in your ears,
You remember a memory that never happened,
Your soul returns to the place it was from,
Higher, higher,
All together.

And then silence,
So beautiful and so strong and so uniting,
All together,
Listening to the sounds of quiet spirituality,
Hushed climax and closeness,
Divine inspiration
Of a human mind,
In a human group,
In a choir of wishes
In a song of reincarnated nostalgia.

We were all there,
Together.

And we are here,
Together.

And together we will be able to be heard.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I'm either manic depressive or just not making any sense

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Everyone needs to find their own way to Happiness instead of being jealous of other people's ways. Because everyone has their own way

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Laughing should definitely be strengthening the stomach

Friday, September 26, 2008

צרות של עשירים

I have so many photos! 150 facebook photo albums; 10,000 photos on the computer.
Among all those, I have probably about 500 really nice photos. I need a website or something. I can't keep jamming them all into these albums from which people can just steal them and use them. I have no copyright.
So I really need a website or some sort of something. I want to enlarge some and sell them at fairs and stuff.

Friday, September 12, 2008

All of a sudden I realize
I just wrote a really long description of my last two weeks, but instead printed it out, and I'll write here some of the poems I wrote during that time.




האדם, כאשר הוא מבין ורוצה בכך,
הוא חלק מהנוף
והנוף הוא חלק ממנו.
הוא שייך להרים,
רגליו מכוונים את צלילי האבנים
כאשר דורך והולך,
ידיו מתאימות לתנועות הרוח,
מצב רוחו משתקף בשמי העולם,
והשמים נוצצים בעיניו
ויוצרים את צבעם הבורק והשלו,
דיבורו מתנועע אל תוך האויר
ונהיה האויר שהעצים נושמים,
ואז, גם להם יש רוח חיים
וכולם מרקדים יחד תחת שמש נצחית
תחת גשם שוטף
תחת רוח וחיים
תחת האלהים

Sunday, August 31, 2008

I wrote two posts yesterday which I didn't publish, and they were both good. Just scary. So I don't want to read them.
Tomorrow I start mechina. It didn't register until now that it's tomorrow, and that it's the whole year, and that this is the end of my living at home for the rest of my life, or at least for the next three years.
It's sad.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

When I was nine or ten, one of the chain letters was to drink a whole cup of water at 22:00 and then to say the name of the guy you like and he would tell you he loves you back within a certain number of days.
I'm still waiting - 9 years later - for that wish to come true.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I can't live
When the space for my words is so small.
It's like trying to squeeze something so immense
Through an alleyway so narrow,
Until it all gets repressed.

I wrote this on my arm at Kikar Tzion

People flying around,
Dissolving into the background.
Light swimming through love
And hate.
Night in a city.
Love in remission.
One in a million.
Sounds of human neediness.
Summer salvation.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

An easy palpitation of what was
A smooth recognition of nothing.

Waiting and waiting
And letting leaves turn red and
It never ends
It accumulates
On the coat rack of frustrations!

Blue worlds
Under dark smooth waves that cascade
Onto a shore of Silence and
Invisible emotion.

This is a blink of Truth.

It is a blink of Truth.

Until it turns into a renewal
Of dried-up fragments
Of a memory.

But I shut my door
And save the words
For the next victim in this world.

Or for myself
To eventually scream them off a fucking hilltop

All

By

My

Self.

This land is beautiful,
Blue sky over dark hills rolling away beyond buildings

But I know it's still there,

It's there somewhere,

Because It's so small
And so dear
And full of opportunity

And I empty my shelves of frustrations
Out onto the field
And I spread them out over grass and flower
And I make them go away.

Because it's so beautiful.

And I'm so lucky
And so happy.








There will forever be Harmony.
Flutterby
Will always be my color

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

As a Cure, is it better to be addicted to writing or to talking to people?
Either way, I need a cure.
So maybe I should try harder to find the source, so that I won't Need a Cure.
I try to use my words as my persuaders. And it's hard because they get all jumbled up and I need to find the perfect order for them, in which the specific sequence of words will express exactly what I want to express.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Just realized

It's one world, each day is one day. But there are more than six billion people on this earth, and another couple million or billion animals, and each living creature experiences every day very differently. So the same day is going on for all those billions. So it's really not one day in a day, but billions of days in a day.
So it's billions of months and years and worlds, all happening at the same time.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

In the book in memory of Moshe Shenker, 1937-1995

Immortality / Unknown

Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.


UNKNOWN

He was my North, my South, My East and West,
My working week and my Shabbat rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my sogn,
I thought that life with his would last forever-
But... I was wrong!

The stars are not wanted now, put out every one
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can be as good!

Friday, August 08, 2008

We are architects of our emotions:
We style the walls so they will create a harmony, will help us stay in, and will still let in light.

We sell ourselves for the beauty of the construction of the emotions,
If no one buys it, we have to sell ourselves and start again.
Thicker walls to hold up during a storm,
Smaller windows,

No doors.

No no
That shan't be it.
We are architects to our emotions
We style the walls so that light will still be able to come in.
Light, come forth
And illuminate the squareness
And cast a different shape.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

We seat 1,000: 17 at a time.

I'm in Highland Park, Illinois. Today's Thursday. I've been here since last Wednesday and I'm going home Monday night

Monday, August 04, 2008

Memories

I think the best way to treasure a moment is to just live it and move on

[There's no way to hold time in place
But there's a way to make the memory a strong source of happiness in the shelves of your brain
Just let it seep in, and
move on
Don't try to freeze it.]

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My littler cousin: Did you notice that I kissed you when you were sleeping?

(soo cute!)

So far I've taken about 900 photos. I assume I'll have over 1,000 by the time I get home. It's kind of scary when my Whole summer trip is on one little memory card, and anything could happen to it...


I would love love love love love more than anything if my blog was made into a book. Like a binded/spiral book, on nice paper, in color, including all my drafts that I didn't publish as a post, and I want it to be yearly books (I started in Feb of '06) so there would be 3 books: 2006, 2007, 2008. For my birthday, that would be the best birthday present Ever ever. But not a surprise- cuz I would want to decide how it'll look and be arranged. It's probably a ton of money, cuz it'll be a lot of work to put it all together (if we were to hire the booking company to do the whole thing- with our guidance), so that's why ppl should pitch in for this as a bday present :) or else I'll have to wait till I'm rich or till I marry someone rich.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

One more day in Jersey

Thursday got here. AS picked me up from JFK airport, we drove to where AR and the boys were- the museum of the moving image. Then we went bowling at a really col bowling place and after that aunt judy took us out for dinner at a nice little italian place. fettuccine alfredo- duh. Friday we hung out at the pool most of the afternoon.
Friday evening (Shabbat) we went out and watched the sunset, had a really yummy dinner. Went to sleep.
Shabbat UJ came over and they all went to the pool to swim. I sat by and read the book. Was pleasant and relaxing. For dinner Shari W. came over. Was a very yummy dinner!
Sunday went to the Valley Shepherd sheep farm, where they produce sheep milk and cheese. We even got to tasta some! Yummy. And I got to hold a baby lamb- only 3 days old! Liek a tony baby, just matted with dirt.
Monday (today) we went into NYC, to the Guggenheim museum of art. It was a display of the art of Louise Bourgois, a contemporary artist who's now 96. Was a nice exhibit.
For dinner, had a cheese calzone, and for dessert a strawberry cheesecake (YUM) in Grand Central Station in NYC.
Today, b"h, we'll be going to the Bronx zoo.
On Tuesday hopefully the Bronx art museum.
And on Wednesday I'm off to Chicago.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Two questions I've been wondering about for as long as I can remember

* Do you have to be willing to sacrifice everything for something in order for it mean you believe in it? I mean what if you believe in doing something but only up to a certain point, does that count? Like once you're in trouble it doesn't stand anymore- so does that means you never believed in it? Do you have to be willing to do Anything to not go against it in order for it to be one of your morals? For example- if someone believes all Jews belong in Israel, but will flee from the country if there is a war, does that mean they are a hypocrite? Do they have to be willing to DIE for it?

* Does something Have to be hard in order for it to be the Right thing? That's not exactly what I mean. What I mean is, if you were brought up in a certain way, it becomes easy for you. Do you have to start making it hard in order for it to be real? If everything is easy- how do you know it's right? For example- religion. If I'm happy the way I'm doing things, but I don't really have to work Hard or Resist anything, does that mean I'm not trying? Well- if I'm not trying, does that mean I'm not doing it Right? Because sometimes I wonder if maybe I should try hard to do something Hard, something Different, but not necessarily because I believe in it. Just because it's hard. I was raised in a certain way, so it's my life, so I'm used to it, so it's not hard.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Boston

Arrived here Monday afternoon. Took the T to B's work. When he finished working we took the T back to his place. At night I watched Across the Universe here, and then went to sleep...
Tuesday morning B went to work, and a few hours later I walked a couple of blocks to Harvard St., where there are stores. Shopped at TJMaxx (I Love Peace bag), Staples (new earphones), Blockbuster (bought Across the Universe and the second season of Will and Grace). Later that afternoon B got back (early) from work and we took the train to Mansfield. We didn't take his bike cuz there was a chance of a thunderstorm. We got there, and when I entered it was like entering a dream. First there was a warm-up band- "jet-black stare", and then finally Hinder came on. There first song, like I thought it would be, was How Long. Then they played a couple more from their first album (including Better Than Me and Lips of an Angel) and some of their new stuff that didn't come out yet. Then there was Staind. I didn't know most of there stuff, 'cept for a few, which are some of their best- Outside, It's Been a While and So Far Away! Last, but most important, was 3 DOORS DOWN!!! I couldn't believe it was true. This was amazing. Perfect. Anyway, we had a slight problem. The last train back was early- we would've had to leave before 3 Doors Down. So B decided he'll take the train back and rent a car and come back and get me, so that I'll be able to stay till the end. Well, it was AMAZING. They played all the best, including Be Like That, Kryptonite, Away From the Sun and Here Without You!
When it was over (at 11), B wasn't even home yet, so I knew I'd be waiting a while. As it turned out, it was raining, but it was fun walkin around in the rain. There was no public place to sit in, cuz we were in a small town, so I just stodd outside. Finally at 1, he came, which was good.
What a night.
Yesterday (Wednesday) I went to see the new movie Mama Mia with Tristyn while B was at work. Was a really great, fun and colorful movie!!
At night we took a bus (Me, B, Tristyn and some friends of theirs) to Cambridge- to the Cantab Lounge. Upstairs there's jazz music and downstairs there's poetry reading. It was great (I love poetry, duh).
It's almost 8, and I have to leave in 20 minutes. I'm off to NY/NJ!

Tata

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Florida part 6: Judge Judy's wit

Today we went to "Butterfly World". I wanted to go because a) I love butterflies, and b) I wanted to get some good shots of them, since in Israel it's hard to find ones that don't camouflage with the backgrounds. There were butterflies of all colors, orange, brown, yellow, purple, blue, and these beautiful white fairy-butterflies that wouldn't stay still for a second so I couldn't snap any shots of them. But I did get about two dozen Beautiful photos of butterflies, birds and flowers/plants, and another three dozen not-so-amazing ones, so I'm happy about all that! :)

Tomorrow morning I'm off to Boston. I'm really excited abotu that, but I'm sure gonna miss it here! I've had an amazing 11 days, and I hope I can come back soon. I'm thinking when I finish the army I'll come for a couple of months before I start university/art school.
Anyway, we did lots of fun things: "Wall-E" and "Sex and the City" (and another movie in the house), book-shopping and clothes-shopping, restaurants (Jon's Pizza and Eilat Cafe), a lot of TV (Judge Judy, Family Feud, Makeover shows, Clean House, Parental Control, half of Prime, etc.), ping-pong in the clubhouse, photographing, taking care of cats/a cat dying, Friday night dinners, seeing third-cousin Jennifer, The Fab Four (Beatles inpersonation) and some more stuff I can't rememebr right now.

It was completely relaxing, liberating and reviving!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Florida part 5: Steak and a martini for dinner

Today we saw the movie "Sex adn the City". Was really fun, sylish and funny.

I've been getting shots of the sunsets here. The other night was like blueberry cream mixed with hot fire. Now it's smooth blueberry custard and orange streaks, swirling around the hot sun. Seems to be a lot of that blue-gray and orange here. One night there was also rose-pink and maybe some raspberry or blackberry-purple.
And there's the palm tree in front which adds a sharp sillhouetted element, which is really nice.

After it rains here, the cloud formations are stunning. Thick puffs of whiteness sitting in the sky like miles of a mountain.

I wanted to go to Butterfly World today, to see my beloved butterflies and to hopefully get some great shots of them. Back home I've been trying to get photos of butterflies for a really long time, but I never got a really good one. So I figured what better an oppurtunity than to be in Butterfly World, with them flying around me, in different shades and colors. Oh, wonderful!
In the end it rained so we didn't go, but hopefully we'll go before I leave to Boston.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Florida part 4: Rescheduling a weekload of dinners because of a new york-style strawberry cheesecake

A few things really bother me, that I'm repeatedly noticing now:

First- a fucking exaggerated interest in money, fame and materiality. I flip through the TV shows and yeah they're fun to watch but I seriously say to msyelf- What The Fuck- with capital letters in my brain. "How Do I Look?" "Makeover" "Parental Control", and many more reality shows. Angelina Jolie selling her twin's pictures for over $10,ooo,ooo. And the TV guide channel hasn't quitted yapping about them for two days. "Yes," he says. "We all share the excitement of the Brangelina bunch!" Yes, we've never seen twins before. Yes, this is so SO fucking exicting because Brad and Anglina are celebs and they are so to0tally more important than everyone, and their babies are SO much more important than everybody. "And," he says with a smile, "We're all waiting with anticipation to see these two babies" WHO will never get a private minute in their lives, and the paparazzi will stalk their ordinary human selves who have been escalated to a Godly level. Magazines and magazines about celebs- this one's on drugs, this one's pregant, this one's cheating, that one's bolemic. That one's house was $20,000,000. And people buy these mags every single day, flip through to get the newest feeds on plastic people with plastic boobs in a plastic world of Fucking Fame. And everybody is like this now- not just the celebs, but ordinary American girls. You see them on all those reality shows. For instance, on "Parental Control" when you see these BITCHY bitchy girlfriends who are snapping at everyone and "I am the hottest girl you will ever lay eyes on" and they go on and on and "OMFG I'm so totally not skinny enough, I mean I'm 110 pounds, oh GOD!"
Now please say to yourself- what the fuck?
On the show "How Do I Look?" They take these people who according to them are fashinabally in the dumps and they give the ma makeover. They make them look liek them. So they brought in this Bohemian hippie with dreads, and they transformed her into an American girl, with the modern clothes and handbag and haircut.
Oh god, that's just like in the Dr. Suess books, with the star-bellied sneetches. Read the book.
I was so sad. I mean here we had this amazing individualist-humanitarian, and her friends wanted to change her look, saying "You're an amazing person doing amazing things and I just want people to respect you more, so you need a different look". But I think- why make it be that you can only respect those who dress liek you? That's the whole point- they should respect her individualism and be inspired by it. But now, we're crushing everyone into the same square because otherwise aparently they fucking won't be *respected*. Oh, bullshit. What the hell is all this???!?! I'm appalled. Maybe she wanted people to know that you can be a hippie while saving the world. You don't need to a be a model wit high-heeled and a flashy pink handbag.
No one fucking gets that, HUH?

Another thing that annoyes me is reform Judaism. But I won't get into that now.
Really that first thing was the thing that annoyed me most.
And after I watched that hippie country girl, who made her own unique clothes out of fabric, turn into an American modern-day tight-clothed flashy woman, I was so upset and so mad and so annoyed and so saddened by the truth that is America.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Florida part 1

Driving back from the airport, the car on a highway, there is a lot of green, and there are palm trees. Blue. Clear sky. The two grandparents who I love- in front. Me in back, safe, happy.
My grandmother talks about her cousin and his wife, two odd people, and their granddaughter. she said the granddaughter (my third cousin) is visiting now, so I'll meet her. She said how her cousin's wife thinks his granddaughter (my third cousin) is the most beautiful girl in the world.
-Can't blame them. My grandmother said that.
I agreed
-But they only think that she's the most wonderful. But I know that you are.

And a flashback- well actually a few- my grandmother said, in a scene of the palm tree state with a background of green and blue and Beauty, -Every grandparent thinks their grandchildren are the best, but only I'm right.

So I'm here, with two people that I love. And I realize now that since I was young there were a whole bunch of things that they said that showed that they looked down on some stuff that we do, but you know what? I never cared. Because I love them. I simply do. And even now, even right this second, I love them and don't know how I manage without them for whole years at a time.

They are the best grandparents in the world. (expet for my other grandparents, too)And even though other people may say that their grandparents are better, they are wrong. And only I'm right.

Because eveyone else THINKS they have the best ones,
But
I
KNOW
IT

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I think I have insomnia

Monday, June 30, 2008

[Sometimes people analyze things so much and go so deeply into things, that they reverse everything. Like the line "you only say he's wrong because YOU'RE the one who's wrong". That's a line that can be used at any given moment, and it sure is overused. Because you could say it back and fourth and eventually it needs to stop because the truth is that it doesn't apply to everyone. I can't ALWAYS be explaining the bad traits of other people to deny their existence in me. Because some people really ARE wrong.]

525,600 minutes
525,000 moments so dear
525,600 minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets,
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In 525,600 minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

525,600 minutes
525,000 journeys to plan...

שירים מתוך ספר השירים "שירי אהבה" של יהודה עמיחי

עכשו ברעש / יהודה עמיחי

עכשיו ברעש לפני הדממה
אני יכול להגיד לך את הדברים
אשר בדממה לפני הרעש לא אמרתי,
כי היו שומעים אותנו ומגלים את המחבוא.

שלא היינו אלא שכנים ברוח הנושבת,
סמוכים יחדיו בשרב העתיק מארם נהריים
והנביאים האחרונים של מלכות עורקי
נבאו לתוך הרקיע של בשרך.

ומזג האויר היה טוב לנו וללב
ושרירי השמש אומצו בנו בזהב
באולימפידה של רגשות, על פני אלפי צופים,
כדי שנדע, שנשאר, שיהיו שוב עננים.

ראי, ונפגשנו במקום המוגן, בזוית
בה החלה ההסטוריה לעלות, שקטה
ובטוחה מן המעשים הנחפזים.
והקול החל לספר בערב, ליד מיטת הילדים.

ועכשיו מוקדם מידי לארכיאולוגיה
ומאוחר מידי לתקן את הנעשה.
קיץ יבוא וקול צעדי הסנדל הקשה
יטבע בחול הרך עד עד.

לשלח זכרונות טורפים / יהודה עמיחי

אני חושב בימים אלה על הרוח שבשערך
ועל השנים שהקדמתי לבוא לעולם לפניך
ועל הנצח שאקדים לצאת אליו,

על הכדורים במלחמה שלא הרגו אותי,
אלא את ידידי,
שהיו טובים ממני משום שלא
המשיכו לחיות כמוני,

על עמדך בקיץ ערומה לפני הכירה
ועל שנרכנת על הספר להיטיב לראות
באור האחרון של יום.

ראי, היו לנו יותר מחיים,
צריכים עכשו לשקול הכל
בחלומות כבדים ולשלח
זכרונות טורפים במה שהיה הווה.

אלהי, הנשמה שנתת בי / יהודה עמיחי

אלהי, הנשמה שנתת בי
היא עשן
משריפת תמיד של זכרונות אהבה.
אנו נולדים ומיד מתחילים לשרוף,
וכך עד שהעשן כעשן יכלה


Sunday, June 22, 2008

You are a feather in the wind,
With no arms to hold onto anything
And no legs to steady yourself upon the spinning Earth.

You fly around in agony,
Clumsy and tired,
No strength to hold you up against the winds of pain.

You feel your body is spilling into pieces,
You have no control over the change that's taking place.

You are helpless, hopeless, falling.
You are conforming, moving, slowing,
Not actually going anywhere.

You are guilty, shameful, invisible and wrong,
But you are truly righteous and able and beautiful and THERE.

To you-
You are not there
Not anywhere.

Can anyone help you?
Can you help yourself?

Can you outdo the physical pain,
The weakness in your bones,

Can you grasp onto a sky
And pull yourself through?

Can you let yourself live - or die -
Without thinking about tomorrow?

Can you keep on finding ways to be happy,
Can you please try to believe you are
Holier than dust

We all have God in us,
We are Divine
We are meaningful!

We are not dying,
We are MORE than flesh and blood

We are able to stop the spinning
Start the spinning
Kill or revive,
Swallow the heavens in us
Spit it all out,
Change the universe
Change ourselves
Change color, number, size
Light
And
Dark
And we can take control over almost anything
If we only believe.

Monday, June 16, 2008

On such a feathery night
When words float like ribbons
Through soft sweeps of air,
I roll my life into a Color,
Onto a paper,
Into your hands,
And that in itself
Unravels the other nights-
The ones far more sharp
And gray.
Those other nights
Are heavy stones of silence
Clotting our bleeding souls.

****************

A slate of ice
Carving deep into the skin of my life
Leaving splinters of memories.
Bleeding through soft emotions,
Freezing them,
Hardening the soft brush of summer,
Till I am a stone of cold,
Left in the midst of a storm,
To shiver past the rest
And live on to see some more
To find a sun
To find a way away.





Sunday, June 15, 2008

"The reason I can't decide between the two of you is because together you're the perfect man"
-The Bandits
haha

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Words about Israel, part 2

The fifth aliyah (immigration to Israel) was between 1930 and 1939, and was called the Yecki aliyah. This wave of immigration brought with it a new sort of style to the Jewish settlement in Palestine.
Starting in the fourth aliyah, the right-wing ideology of city life and capitalism became widespread. European Jews came with the desire to create a life similar to the one they came from. This contradicted the ideas of the earlier pioneers who came to fulfill a Zionist-socialist dream of agricultural life in Kibbutzim and Moshavim (collective settlements and cooperative settlements).
The fifth aliyah was even more drastically right-wing. A mass of German Jews - yeckies - left the worsening antisemitism in exile and came to Israel in their formal suits and polished shoes, ready to open businesses, universities, hotels, malls... The were scholars and intellectuals, professors, teachers, lawyers, architects... They came with their honest, perfectionist selves and created a natural revolution just by being here and letting their personalities take over.
It's funny for me to imagine it...
Like sweating, hardworking agriculturists, digging, plowing, building under the sun, and then you have these people in European suits walking in with exact precision, like a wave of black and white overcoming the brown-greenness of the lives here, making it be exact shapes and angles, a European city life.
On the one hand this did indeed modernize the land and help it move forward on a global first-world country level. But on the other hand, the early pioneers found it difficult to accept that capitalism was outdoing socialism, and that their work was not wanted anymore.
Now people wanted to sit in fancy restaurants instead of eating watermelons out in the field.

Aspirations

Elena Blavatsky, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Sigmund Freud.

Words about Israel, part 1

"A wheel is needed? I am the wheel!"
צריך גלגל? אני גלגל--

Those are words Joseph Trumpeldor said as a Zionist Socialist in the early 20th century here in Israel (then Palestine).
His belief as a pioneer in this arid land was to do whatever needed to get done in order for the Zionist dream to come true, through working the land with his own two hands, and working Hard.
That was the vision of the leftist pioneers during the first three major immigrations to Palestine (between 1882 and 1920). Agricultural work to redeem the land for Jewish settlement. For them, work was a virtue, a goal, and not only a process. The point was to live here as pioneers, and only by actual land work will they be able to claim the land as their own. Not by speeches, persuasion or campaigning, but by the means of their own two hands they believed they would redeem as much land as possible.
They took vast areas and made them viable. They paved roads, water tunnels, anything that was needed, that's what they did.
They had a dream, a vision, and they were ready to do it.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

I don't trust people to do the things they say they'll do
Because they don't do them.

"Everyone has their poison"
-JD, 20-yr-old Australian

The more memories you carry
The more over-loaded your brain is.
There's a limit
Before it all start merging together
And creating blurry schemes
Of a vague history.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

We're all the same

I sit in between three people.
All three doing something either disgusting (I mean nauseating), mocking, or condescending.
Basically, three not so high-class people.
I think at first, maybe I should get up and move. I think I'll throw up. I don't like these people, they are not being good people.
At second thought, I realize I must stay.
Why do I think I am so much better, to get up and stand above them?
Who am I, to walk away from such mediocrity.
I am a fourth, next to those three
I am one among four
And not one
Next to three.
We are all humans
And we all do things wrong.
Just because I'm grossed out by them or don't like them doesn't mean I have the right to move-
When you get right down to it,
I'm human
Just like they are.

I am 18
5"4
Black hair
Blue eyes

And they also-
Have an age,
A height,
A color,
A meaning.

We're all the same.
They fucking have a chronic disease of cheating.
Not only do they cheat on EVERY test, but they also GO THROUGH the teacher's bag when she's not looking to find tomorrow's test to know what questions will be on it.
Like today, another girl and I were taking the test that's being given tomorrow (because we can't come tomorrow). We got the same tests the rest of the class will get tomorrow.
Before the teacher took it out of her bag to give it to me, she left the classroom for a minute.
In that time:

ש.: יאללה יאללה תסגרי ת'דלת
(ב. סוגרת את הדלת, מצחקקת)
ש. רצה לתיק של המורה, כשב. מחזיקה את הדלת סגור.
ש. ממהרת לחטט בין הדפים

I was sitting in back, and when I realized what was happening I ran toward the front of the class and grabbed the bag and held it shut, blocking her hands from going into someone ELSE'S belongings.

אני: לא. זה פשוט לא נכון מה שאתם עושים
ש.: לכי לכי את י'זבל
ב: טוב, עזבי את זה לפני שהמורה תגיע
ש.נ.: י'צדיקה אחת
ש: את יודעת מה קורה בסוף לכל הצדיקות, הסוף שלהם הוא בדיוק כמו של כולם... צדיקות צדיקות עד ש...
איזה חרא את, מה אכפת לך?!

כן. ככה זה אצלנו

תכירו, בנות ישראליות "דתיות" שאין להן טיפה של מוסר ואטיקה.
יש להן רק דחפים-
דחף לצעוק
ולגנוב
ולרמות
ולהרביץ
ולזלזל

ואז

להרוג.

Monday, June 02, 2008

I just remembered something that happened last year:

A bunch of us were walking in JM, when Joe said "Whoa, look how cool that is!" at the white side of a tall building.
He started walking toward it and laid down on his back by the building- head toward the building- and threw his bag next to him.

Immediately, I knew he was talking about the contrast between his black clothes and bag and the white wall. I thought it was really interesting that he noticed that- it surely was an artistic contrast, and I liked it, so I took a picture.
I was wrong, though. That wasn't what he meant.
He meant that if you lay down and look up at the tall building, it looks like it's gonna fall on you.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

-Umm, I don't know (-me)
"We thought you were a walking encyclopedia!"

I hate disappointing people

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

random on-the-spur-of-the-moment poem, written in 5 minutes

(2 weeks later: I hate this poem and would delete it but there are comments so I feel bad getting rid of them)

Winter creeps on us so slowly
We don't feel the frost around us
As it swallows our emotions into hibernation for a while.
We are covered in the fabrics of a comfort that we love
And we wrap ourselves with others and fill our souls with
hot chocolate and a hug.
And we sit by fireplaces that don't even exist
Because we want to know we're close to something
Truer than ourselves-
We are alone
And we are cold
And then the winter melts away
And we are left to shed our layers
Of disguise and out we come
Into the sun
It wraps us up in all the power
That we'll need to fight another battle
Of confusion and some lies
And we are out again
Inside the outside world
So we cannot pretend that we can let ourselves
Be as free as we were
When we were cooped into our houses
Our four walls of familiarity
And here we are,
In burning sun
It sizzles our emotions till they flood the sea
And we go swimming in bathing suits
In the tears that we've concealed
Until the sun can dry them up
So fiercely
And we go on pretending nothing happened,
Till autumn comes
And we are old and we believe
That winter won't arrive yet
That we won't shiver in our bodies of despair
And we should only hope
That it will be so beautiful
That leaves will turn to red and orange
And we will be crying colorful tears
Of joy
As we watch ourselves transform into a figure that we love
And winter comes again
And we are dead.

Soul Meets Body

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

And I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

And I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Monday, May 26, 2008

"You either die the hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain"
-Indiana Jones (2008)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Does it ever happen to you that you so badly want something to happen that you fear that everything will go wrong before it does?
Like if you're showing people certain pictures, and they're flipping through the papers, and there's this one, way at the bottom, that you can't wait for them to see cuz it's the best, but you don't want to just shove it in their face so you wait while they flip and all the seconds until they get to that last one are just you holding your heart in place, and you're so scared that until they see the last one there could be a huge earthquake, an atomic bomb, anything, and then they'll never get there and they'll never know.
And then you realize that you waited so much for that last moment that you were missing all the ones in between. But you also realize that it came and when it comes you can finally breath because they saw what they needed to see, so that's covered, until next time they needa see something again.
So it's either to lessen your excitement for the one you want them to see, or to miss all the other moments along the way.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

There are so many, that I could write postcard after postcard (but at that point no one would listen anymore), but there's only ONE main one that's keeping me from sleeping.

And I'm so tired

Sunday, May 18, 2008

IT IS AS GOOD AS DEBBUSY!!!
Individualism through Conformism.
So if someone says "I like red", I shouldn't say "everyone does", I should say "Yeah, it's a really cool color".
But then does causing people to feel individual on an emotional level contradict them being able to feel part of a community?
Or should people be commune even when alone they are individual?
They like red, everyone likes red, they're all the same.
Or they like red, so that's interesting
And they're individual.
So maybe there should be individualism only on the personal emotional level and communism on the social level.
But then maybe somehow they are connected so if one has to be communism then the other one too.
Whatever, something I tried to figure out after I recalled my reaction to a comment. I reacted in the wrong way- I reacted in a communal way.
So then I thought, am I an individualist?
But there still has to be group of people, a community.
So that's how I got thinking about all this stuff.
It's all psychology.
How you react to people's comments will effect them.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I don't know exactly what it is
And maybe one day I'll figure it out
Or maybe if I find out it'll take away from the effect
So maybe I should never know

It's a form of nostalgia
Mixed with beauty that escalates into the heavens of my soul
Mixed with harmony that combines with the air
Together with infinite inspiration and motivation
To do beautiful things as well,
To BE a nostalgia of a higher world,
To form a harmony
To be connected to the divine wonders of the world...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The worst worst worst
Is -fear-

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

You know that pinchy feeling in your heart when you feel something forgotten that you once felt, and when the melody is played again?

Friday, May 09, 2008

Peace to the flutterbies and to the sunflowers and the bumblebees

Sunday, May 04, 2008

This year, No FIRE!

http://freewebs.com/environmentandart


6 million Jews who died in the holocaust... If they were alive now, they would be multiplying the strength of the Jewish people, multiplying the light, the holiness. They are gone, their descendants never were. So it is up to us now, the live Jews, the ones who have the privilege of being Jews, to fill in for the missing power. Each of us needs to work double hard, to act double as much, to radiate double the amount of light, and to spread Zionism and the love of Israel twice as hard and far than we normally would. Get off your butt right now and DO SOMETHING! We cannot be lazy- Force yourself twice as much and don't do nothing. PLEASE

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Absurdity of the 21st century

"I got a 60 in Ezrachut, but last test I got an 82, so I think the teacher will drop the lower grade"
"I thought I failed the test but I got a 75"
"I'm really hoping to get at least a 90"
"I studied really hard and only got a 70"
"I got a 70 in toshba and a 90 in tanach, what about you?"
"Are you doing three or five points of science?"
"We have to go to Harvard"
"Let's practice for math, we have to pass"
"I need to memorize history or else I'll fail!"

People don't ever focus on the important thing- the actual learning. Instead, they focus on the grade they'll get, that number that is made up of (hopefully) two (or three) digits, which are a dry result and not an important process. The numbers don't represent anything, they are your indicator of "success".
What is success?
To me, the success is the learning process, the gaining of knowledge, the enjoyment of learning new things, the expansion of our brain capacity, the enlargement of our intelligence.
If we are learning something for a grade, we are not learning.
If we are learning, and "on the side" get graded, we are still not learning.
And where is the learning enjoyment in all of this? Where is the fun, when the teacher says we have to rush so we'll finish memorizing the material by the bagrut. Where is the gain when we have to cram in material we don't even want to know, just to see that high number on a piece of paper?!

I'll give an example- in art, we've been working all year on our projects. It was a long process of thinking, learning and creating. It took a long time, and a lot of effort, and the whole time we were materializing ideas or opinions in the form of visual art.
And after this long wonderful process, all they care about is a fucking number. And the next day, the teacher comes in smiling, saying "everyone did well" ("everyone got a good grade") What The Fuck?!?!?! That one day of having the tester come in, that was the test? That was the goal? That number that would crystallize itself in your heads like a god?

Why have we forgotten to WANT to learn? Howcome people have to be FORCED to studying wonderful, important subjects? How is it that our fundamental GOAL is a TEST? Why should everything in life be measured by a GRADE?

It shouldn't.

The indicator of our knowledge should be what we do, what kind of people we are, what we aspire to, what we believe in.

Is it more important to you to say "I went to the top university" than to say "I am a good person who is saving the world"?

Thursday, May 01, 2008

I don't know if it's like this for anyone else, but especially with the whole thing of msn messenger and screen names and display pictures, and the whole idea of having certain pictures or letters or words represent a certain person, if there's someone I love talking to online and I wait for them to come on, their screen name and display pic creates a special picture in my head so every time I see those particular letters or picture it really makes me happy like something clicks in my head and I could just keep on looking at it and every time it does that cool thing in my head of something familiar and loved.
It's a string of letters that gets stuck in me and I love it :) How each letters corresponds with the one after and together they create a certain harmony.
And that's one of those cool things that from then on will always have an impact... :)
These are the kinds of things that can keep me going sometimes, because even when one is in somplete misery, certain images remind one of certain happy things, so I try to make everything remind me of something happy in some way/

~A~R~T


There's a problem with the school system, that's obvious, and it's already known that I think that.
So I would like to go even further and say that I think there is a problem with the class that I love most, and that's Art. I'm in the art
megama (major) in my school, so for the bagrut (final exam) we had to present an exhibit of works that surrounded a certain topic or idea.
This whole year we've been working on them, I'd say mainly on the ideas and less on the actual composition of the pieces, but we've been working nonetheless, every class, thinking, thinking hard, making sketches, jotting down ideas, colors, schemes. And then we got to work, and this all sounds very creative, very liberal, very good. And it should be, because this is Art, and these are individual works, with everyone's own ideas and touches and shades of understanding. We each had worlds to say and to portray through art.
And then comes *drumroll* the art
TEACHER who is supposed to give us that freedom of expression and creation. But remember that we're still in the fucking school system so nothing works like that, not even art class. We cannot have freedom or liberty, we cannot fully express ourselves, because whatever idea we have, be it concrete, abstract, understood or completely random, it has to go through the teacher's agreement and permission.
For instance, she did not understand my idea and tried to square it off to make it simpler. She tried to consolidate it to make it more understood and less abstract. She tried to smoosh all of my idea into some fucking boring idea.
Okay, so that was me. And from the beginning I told her I'm not telling her any of my further ideas, I'm doing it on my own. And so I did, and I knew she disapproved, so every class I felt stupid and even embarrassed to work on my artwork. I tried to do most of it at home but at some point I had to bring it in and confront her and explain to her what I'm doing. So I did and she tried to minorly change it and she didn't get it (fuck that), and I felt kind of stupid because my idea really was pretty abstract, but it was something real, a real belief that I have. So I kept on with it, and I knew that people didn't always appreciate it even when I tried to explain it to them, but oh well.
And then there were some girls who listened to her the whole time and went along with all of her suggestions and recommendations, and ended up having to give up many things they wanted to add to their projects, she controlled it, she thought it was her own art and not theirs. She even took credit for it. She told one girl to stop moving things around and to leave them the way she (the teacher) had set them up. I understand that this is the first year this teacher is preparing for a
bagrut, but she still needs to let us do our own thing.

Then the day of the test.
The tester came and I swear she thought he was a king. And I was positive she would put out a red carpet for him all the way from his car to the room with the exhibit. Every spec of dirt had to cleaned up (by us, of course, she just sat and gave orders), everyone had to move out of the hallways so he wouldn't know that this school was actually a live place with people walking around. She was stresses out like god himself had come to punish her.

After the test,m after it all, I felt stupid about my project, and not fully satisfied with it. I feel like I did the best that I could, but then why did it not come out good? I think that the teacher has cut off my creativity by not being open and by making me feel like my idea wasn't good enough.

On the
magen (year grade) she took off for creativity and originality. I never met someone who would take points off of me for that. I would call myself creative and original, but she was mad that I didn't consult with her about my project at the beginning of the year.

In any case, I didn't get such a good grade on the bagrut itself as well.
And that's that.

Now starts a new chapter of art in my life, real art, without a grade, without feeling stupid, I will ARTISIZE this beautiful WORLD!

(This is one out of the 6 pieces)
כי בשם קדשך נשבעת לו שלא יכבה נרו לעולם
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqWckr9Ohh4

Monday, April 28, 2008

They have an imagination that carries them on forever...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Another idea being portrayed through a sketch =)


This is an image that is portraying the connection between our minds+ability and our actions.
Everyone has an immense ability potential, a vast amount of power. It can only be used well if we know how to use it correctly.
Most people's ability and actions hardly overlap.
But we need to use our intelligence to be able to manipulate our intelligence to be able to find the exact point at which the ability is used just correctly to create the perfect action- there will be a bigger energy ability in that case, and a better outcome. It's like hitting the exact spot. Like a laser light that has to touch an exact point and when it does a light starts flashing, because it found what it's supposed to do =)

The random beginning of a possible story

She'd been trying to sleep for longer than she could remember, maybe an hour, maybe two, she didn't know. But she could still hear the crickets and the stars, and she could hear her sister's faint snoring through the wall, and she could hear her heartbeat, if she focused on it long enough. And as the night snailed along, adhering it's heat to her body, suffocating her in the summer air, she got more and more restless and impatient and was so tired, but her eyes wouldn't stay shut.
She crawled out of bed, like a sticky candy being peeled out of it's wrapper, and when she finally got up, she stood there for a minute staring at her walls, her clock, her feet.
She was wearing an old T-shirt and shorts, and her hair was a messy knot of sandy-colored strands. She left her room, and left her house. Walked the block down to the next street, stopped in front of the yellow house with the apple tree and looked through his window, to see what he was up to. He was asleep, sprawled out on his bed. She quietly opened the window and fit herself through it and soon was on the other side, standing on the foot of his bed, watching him breath heavily, a slight smile on his face. He had woken up a little bit.
She said, "I couldn't sleep," and laid herself beside him, putting her head under his chin.
And then all she could hear were her dreams rumbling in the distance, before the morning light came brushing on her skin.
When she got up, he was gone. Probably on his morning run, she thought. So she got out of bed and took out some of her clothes that were in his closet, got dressed, and walked out his front door to go smell the beautiful morning. As she closed the door behind her, he came running up the driveway, slowing down, sweating a bit, tired from his run. Nonetheless, he ran straight into her arms and gave her a big hug.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

He doesn't believe I can hold anything up, because of "human weaknesses".
He has false impressions about what I do with his missing time.
He has a mouth that has no lock on it and he tells everything whether it's the truth or a lie.
He wants to just climb right up there,
While He feels like he's falling back,
And He is somewhere in the distance,
And He is trying to pretend like he's a friend and getting all crazy when I just shut up because he's all full of SHIT.


Added May 28:
I forgot about HIM, who is there.

Monday, April 14, 2008

I am exploding and
imploding and breathing and
heaving
and going
Insane.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Too paperzied and messalized

What am I to do?
Sorting through thousands, thousands, thousands of papers, from last year, this year, two years ago, yesterday, 5 years ago, papers I want to remember, I want to forget, I want to save, look, ponder. Damn there's too much beauty in this world that I just get so messalized when I look around at everything I have.
How do I organize all the papers so that they'll be saved? What if they die? What if I die?
How do I take everything down and start again, reading everything again, it could take hours. I have hours if I don't study for my matkonet tomo-----

VOLCANO!