Tuesday, May 27, 2008

random on-the-spur-of-the-moment poem, written in 5 minutes

(2 weeks later: I hate this poem and would delete it but there are comments so I feel bad getting rid of them)

Winter creeps on us so slowly
We don't feel the frost around us
As it swallows our emotions into hibernation for a while.
We are covered in the fabrics of a comfort that we love
And we wrap ourselves with others and fill our souls with
hot chocolate and a hug.
And we sit by fireplaces that don't even exist
Because we want to know we're close to something
Truer than ourselves-
We are alone
And we are cold
And then the winter melts away
And we are left to shed our layers
Of disguise and out we come
Into the sun
It wraps us up in all the power
That we'll need to fight another battle
Of confusion and some lies
And we are out again
Inside the outside world
So we cannot pretend that we can let ourselves
Be as free as we were
When we were cooped into our houses
Our four walls of familiarity
And here we are,
In burning sun
It sizzles our emotions till they flood the sea
And we go swimming in bathing suits
In the tears that we've concealed
Until the sun can dry them up
So fiercely
And we go on pretending nothing happened,
Till autumn comes
And we are old and we believe
That winter won't arrive yet
That we won't shiver in our bodies of despair
And we should only hope
That it will be so beautiful
That leaves will turn to red and orange
And we will be crying colorful tears
Of joy
As we watch ourselves transform into a figure that we love
And winter comes again
And we are dead.

Soul Meets Body

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

And I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

And I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Monday, May 26, 2008

"You either die the hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain"
-Indiana Jones (2008)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Does it ever happen to you that you so badly want something to happen that you fear that everything will go wrong before it does?
Like if you're showing people certain pictures, and they're flipping through the papers, and there's this one, way at the bottom, that you can't wait for them to see cuz it's the best, but you don't want to just shove it in their face so you wait while they flip and all the seconds until they get to that last one are just you holding your heart in place, and you're so scared that until they see the last one there could be a huge earthquake, an atomic bomb, anything, and then they'll never get there and they'll never know.
And then you realize that you waited so much for that last moment that you were missing all the ones in between. But you also realize that it came and when it comes you can finally breath because they saw what they needed to see, so that's covered, until next time they needa see something again.
So it's either to lessen your excitement for the one you want them to see, or to miss all the other moments along the way.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

There are so many, that I could write postcard after postcard (but at that point no one would listen anymore), but there's only ONE main one that's keeping me from sleeping.

And I'm so tired

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Individualism through Conformism.
So if someone says "I like red", I shouldn't say "everyone does", I should say "Yeah, it's a really cool color".
But then does causing people to feel individual on an emotional level contradict them being able to feel part of a community?
Or should people be commune even when alone they are individual?
They like red, everyone likes red, they're all the same.
Or they like red, so that's interesting
And they're individual.
So maybe there should be individualism only on the personal emotional level and communism on the social level.
But then maybe somehow they are connected so if one has to be communism then the other one too.
Whatever, something I tried to figure out after I recalled my reaction to a comment. I reacted in the wrong way- I reacted in a communal way.
So then I thought, am I an individualist?
But there still has to be group of people, a community.
So that's how I got thinking about all this stuff.
It's all psychology.
How you react to people's comments will effect them.
I don't know exactly what it is
And maybe one day I'll figure it out
Or maybe if I find out it'll take away from the effect
So maybe I should never know

It's a form of nostalgia
Mixed with beauty that escalates into the heavens of my soul
Mixed with harmony that combines with the air
Together with infinite inspiration and motivation
To do beautiful things as well,
To BE a nostalgia of a higher world,
To form a harmony
To be connected to the divine wonders of the world...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The worst worst worst
Is -fear-

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

You know that pinchy feeling in your heart when you feel something forgotten that you once felt, and when the melody is played again?

Friday, May 09, 2008

Peace to the flutterbies and to the sunflowers and the bumblebees

Sunday, May 04, 2008

This year, No FIRE!


6 million Jews who died in the holocaust... If they were alive now, they would be multiplying the strength of the Jewish people, multiplying the light, the holiness. They are gone, their descendants never were. So it is up to us now, the live Jews, the ones who have the privilege of being Jews, to fill in for the missing power. Each of us needs to work double hard, to act double as much, to radiate double the amount of light, and to spread Zionism and the love of Israel twice as hard and far than we normally would. Get off your butt right now and DO SOMETHING! We cannot be lazy- Force yourself twice as much and don't do nothing. PLEASE

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Absurdity of the 21st century

"I got a 60 in Ezrachut, but last test I got an 82, so I think the teacher will drop the lower grade"
"I thought I failed the test but I got a 75"
"I'm really hoping to get at least a 90"
"I studied really hard and only got a 70"
"I got a 70 in toshba and a 90 in tanach, what about you?"
"Are you doing three or five points of science?"
"We have to go to Harvard"
"Let's practice for math, we have to pass"
"I need to memorize history or else I'll fail!"

People don't ever focus on the important thing- the actual learning. Instead, they focus on the grade they'll get, that number that is made up of (hopefully) two (or three) digits, which are a dry result and not an important process. The numbers don't represent anything, they are your indicator of "success".
What is success?
To me, the success is the learning process, the gaining of knowledge, the enjoyment of learning new things, the expansion of our brain capacity, the enlargement of our intelligence.
If we are learning something for a grade, we are not learning.
If we are learning, and "on the side" get graded, we are still not learning.
And where is the learning enjoyment in all of this? Where is the fun, when the teacher says we have to rush so we'll finish memorizing the material by the bagrut. Where is the gain when we have to cram in material we don't even want to know, just to see that high number on a piece of paper?!

I'll give an example- in art, we've been working all year on our projects. It was a long process of thinking, learning and creating. It took a long time, and a lot of effort, and the whole time we were materializing ideas or opinions in the form of visual art.
And after this long wonderful process, all they care about is a fucking number. And the next day, the teacher comes in smiling, saying "everyone did well" ("everyone got a good grade") What The Fuck?!?!?! That one day of having the tester come in, that was the test? That was the goal? That number that would crystallize itself in your heads like a god?

Why have we forgotten to WANT to learn? Howcome people have to be FORCED to studying wonderful, important subjects? How is it that our fundamental GOAL is a TEST? Why should everything in life be measured by a GRADE?

It shouldn't.

The indicator of our knowledge should be what we do, what kind of people we are, what we aspire to, what we believe in.

Is it more important to you to say "I went to the top university" than to say "I am a good person who is saving the world"?

Thursday, May 01, 2008

I don't know if it's like this for anyone else, but especially with the whole thing of msn messenger and screen names and display pictures, and the whole idea of having certain pictures or letters or words represent a certain person, if there's someone I love talking to online and I wait for them to come on, their screen name and display pic creates a special picture in my head so every time I see those particular letters or picture it really makes me happy like something clicks in my head and I could just keep on looking at it and every time it does that cool thing in my head of something familiar and loved.
It's a string of letters that gets stuck in me and I love it :) How each letters corresponds with the one after and together they create a certain harmony.
And that's one of those cool things that from then on will always have an impact... :)
These are the kinds of things that can keep me going sometimes, because even when one is in somplete misery, certain images remind one of certain happy things, so I try to make everything remind me of something happy in some way/


There's a problem with the school system, that's obvious, and it's already known that I think that.
So I would like to go even further and say that I think there is a problem with the class that I love most, and that's Art. I'm in the art
megama (major) in my school, so for the bagrut (final exam) we had to present an exhibit of works that surrounded a certain topic or idea.
This whole year we've been working on them, I'd say mainly on the ideas and less on the actual composition of the pieces, but we've been working nonetheless, every class, thinking, thinking hard, making sketches, jotting down ideas, colors, schemes. And then we got to work, and this all sounds very creative, very liberal, very good. And it should be, because this is Art, and these are individual works, with everyone's own ideas and touches and shades of understanding. We each had worlds to say and to portray through art.
And then comes *drumroll* the art
TEACHER who is supposed to give us that freedom of expression and creation. But remember that we're still in the fucking school system so nothing works like that, not even art class. We cannot have freedom or liberty, we cannot fully express ourselves, because whatever idea we have, be it concrete, abstract, understood or completely random, it has to go through the teacher's agreement and permission.
For instance, she did not understand my idea and tried to square it off to make it simpler. She tried to consolidate it to make it more understood and less abstract. She tried to smoosh all of my idea into some fucking boring idea.
Okay, so that was me. And from the beginning I told her I'm not telling her any of my further ideas, I'm doing it on my own. And so I did, and I knew she disapproved, so every class I felt stupid and even embarrassed to work on my artwork. I tried to do most of it at home but at some point I had to bring it in and confront her and explain to her what I'm doing. So I did and she tried to minorly change it and she didn't get it (fuck that), and I felt kind of stupid because my idea really was pretty abstract, but it was something real, a real belief that I have. So I kept on with it, and I knew that people didn't always appreciate it even when I tried to explain it to them, but oh well.
And then there were some girls who listened to her the whole time and went along with all of her suggestions and recommendations, and ended up having to give up many things they wanted to add to their projects, she controlled it, she thought it was her own art and not theirs. She even took credit for it. She told one girl to stop moving things around and to leave them the way she (the teacher) had set them up. I understand that this is the first year this teacher is preparing for a
bagrut, but she still needs to let us do our own thing.

Then the day of the test.
The tester came and I swear she thought he was a king. And I was positive she would put out a red carpet for him all the way from his car to the room with the exhibit. Every spec of dirt had to cleaned up (by us, of course, she just sat and gave orders), everyone had to move out of the hallways so he wouldn't know that this school was actually a live place with people walking around. She was stresses out like god himself had come to punish her.

After the test,m after it all, I felt stupid about my project, and not fully satisfied with it. I feel like I did the best that I could, but then why did it not come out good? I think that the teacher has cut off my creativity by not being open and by making me feel like my idea wasn't good enough.

On the
magen (year grade) she took off for creativity and originality. I never met someone who would take points off of me for that. I would call myself creative and original, but she was mad that I didn't consult with her about my project at the beginning of the year.

In any case, I didn't get such a good grade on the bagrut itself as well.
And that's that.

Now starts a new chapter of art in my life, real art, without a grade, without feeling stupid, I will ARTISIZE this beautiful WORLD!

(This is one out of the 6 pieces)
כי בשם קדשך נשבעת לו שלא יכבה נרו לעולם