Monday, September 21, 2009

My fingers move along the page, right to left, and my eyes dart from word to word, each word streaming itself into my soul, sewing itself into the existing ideas and thoughts. I thank G-d for the recent realization that popped into my head and excited me.
(Both Chana and Miriam [I'm named after both] were poets in Tanach. How wonderful!)
My voice is silent, swelled in the heat and moisture of a serene screaming heart.
My gratitude is immense. So is my happiness,
although it is quieter, embroidered into the walls, the rain.
I am the sum of all the fragments around me,
The blend of all the colors swarming in and out of a windowed world.
Beauty in, beauty out,
Frustration, patience.

My fingers move along, my eyes gaze, my heart feels and rises,
Into overfilled heavens of realization, of youth, of so, so many paths untaken and yet to be taken.
Smashed, abundant past, puzzled, rebuilt in the schemed years of dehydrated suffering.

At night I lay awake, my pain adhering to the ceiling, grasping onto me, strangling me.
SCREAM. As quiet as a bird swooping in the night's air. Silent.
He's there, asleep, and I cannot sleep, cannot sit, cannot stand, I have choked
In my words,
Drowned in all I want to say.
Smothered into a square of a secretive history
In a small body, wanting to feel.

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