Thursday, July 22, 2010

40 DAYS. 32 days to the מיוחדת
(the vacation days)
For some reason I feel kind of apathetic to the fact that G is coming home today. I feel like the excitement is in me, but it's covered with all sorts of other things, like the stinging knowledge that in two days he'll go back. As much as I try to take advantage of every minute with him, it really flies by no matter what. And it's depressing now, waiting and waiting and waiting for him to come home, and the evening before he comes home I am practically stuck to one place waiting waiting waiting and the time stretches because he's coming home so soon but it becomes so loong, and then he comes and then he goes...

Monday, July 19, 2010

What's done:
Wedding dress
Wedding Ring
Rabbi for Chupah

What's not yet done:
Itzuv- Chupah, Kallah chair, etc.
Electricity/Water/Arnona in apt (which is what's making me nervous and stressed :-S)
Table&Chairs for apt

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Living parts all over

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have your whole life, grandmas and grandpas and cousins and aunts and uncles and everything, puzzled into the same 22 thousand square kilometers, as oppose to having pieces all over the world. The world is big, and memories are s t r e t c h e d across the universe, miles and miles of universe.
May, who I work with in the army, "makes fun of me" that everything reminds me of "סבא שלי" or "אח שלי"or any other number of faraway people who I love. There are certain things that remind me of them.
Yesterday I was in a car in the army and it smelled like my aunt's car, in Florida.
In Beit Ha'chayal we walked into the workroom with all the tools hanging everywhere, and it reminded me of my grandfather. I love workrooms.
One of the soldiers played a jazzy song that I didn't know, it reminded me of my brother. Just made me think of him. I always start saying "זה מזכיר לי..." and she knows I'm about to mention someone on the other side of the globe, and she probably doesn't understand why it's so important to me, or why everything reminds me.

I smell every book I read because I like the smell of books.
I have a book that my grandmother gave me from her house, Prince of Tides, and inside it smells like their house, which has a very distinct smell which I love but most people don't (I love it just because it's theirs) and I don't want to open the book because I don't want the smell to escape. The beginning pages already partially lost the scent because I opened them a lot and read them, but the deeper I go into the book, the smell is stronger,
and it could make me cry, like so many other things,
Because there's so much to miss and so much to long for, so many distances that can't be sewn any closer.

I thought I knew what I wanted to write, but I don't. But then I do again, after some sadness

Once, in mechina, we were in a village in the desert, a village of free people, and we were welcomed into a big dance room, with the blue kind of rubber floor or whatever it is, and the walls had bars along them I think. The counselor told us that she was putting on music and that we all must close our eyes and dance freely... Let our bodies move however our feelings pull us... But we have to close our eyes so that we'll all know that no one is watching us, to feel completely free.
I had a really hard time letting myself loose. The music was bouncing into my ears, it was loud and fast and it made a deep emotion, it was spiritual and sad and beautiful.
I opened my eyes and looked around me, as arms and bodies moved in asymmetry, everyone at his own speed, in his own direction. I watched Meirav as she curved around her little square, and I started crying because it was so beautiful to watch. She was so free, her figure painting the air, grasping onto the melody, moving with it.
Music and dance can be so beautiful.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

אני צריכה לסגור שבת בבסיס שזה גם מבאס וגם מנחם
מבאס כמובן כי זה לסגור שבת במקום המגעיל, האפלולי והאפור הזה. לא להיות בבית, ובעצם לא להיות עם אף אחד .
מצד שני, זה גם קצת מנחם כי ככה אני אגמור עם זה לחודשיים הקרובים, ואני לא אצטרך כל הזמן להיות טרודה- מתי תהיה לי שבת מתי תהיה? ולהיות טרודה מהמחשבות שאולי זה ייצא על שבת שאני רוצה להיות בבית... ואז מלא זמן מראש, בעצם מעכשיו, אני כבר חושבת על השבת הזאת אי-שם בחודשיים הקרובים. אז עכשיו הם בחרו בשבילי, וזה מתחיל מחר זאת אומרת שאין לי הרבה זמן לפני להתעצב מזה זה פשוט בא מהר וגם יחלוף מהר ואז לא תהיה לי שבת בחודשיים הקרובים, ובעוד חודשיים זה כבר החתונה אז גם בחודש הזה לא יהיו לי, אז רק אחרי זה, ואז כבר גילעד יוכל לבקש לצאת שבת ולבוא להיות איתי... אז זה בעצם השבת האחרונה לבד שם. אז זה קצת מנחם

Sunday, July 04, 2010

We have an apartment in Nachla'ot. Our rent started on Thursday, I got the key on Friday, it's now ours. How cool is that? I have a key to my apartment, I can go there whenever I want.
We won't live there until we get married so for the next two months it will be lonely, but it'll still be there, waiting for me to belong to it every time I go in.
We have a picket fence and a little balcony with a tree and flowerpots, a glass door, and the apartment is smallsmall and cute, 1 and a half rooms, a red half-wall in the middle, two old square windows, one stone wall and a low ceiling. We have a red roof, and we're connected from the back and side to other homes, all with a staircase running up them.
It's got a personality, like all of Nachla'ot.
I love it!!!

*two months*

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Gilad is coming now and I feel like I haven't seen him in a month I'm so happy to finally be with him again