Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Fractions

Tidbits of petals.

Last week I was at Avital's midrasha Thursday night till Friday. First of all, Thursday night in itself is always a freer night than the others, with the knowledge that Friday is a day off, leading into peaceful Shabbat. Aside from that, Alonei Shilo is beautiful. In sight and in smell.
Smell smell smell of something so fresh and earthly. Reminded me of something, i didn't know what, but when i thought about it I thought probably Chashmonaim. A smell I haven't smelled in so long, but also fresh.
Fresh doesn't mean scentless. It does have a scent! The smell of cold live mountains.
Shabbat Gilad was home. We were here in our apartment and it was wonderful! We even played Rummy Cube which is something I don't usually like to do, but I guess it indicates that I was really content enough to do something that's checked off on my list as a relaxing time-passer.
I really felt his presence. We shared ourselves, which is the funnest thing a human can do- share himself with another human being. Not be alone in whatever he carries in his brain.
Now I'm here, sitting here after doing some things that seemed important and necessary so I feel like I DID something, and yesterday, too, even though most of the time I sat and read and wrote. But then I got up and decided- RIGHT NOW I'm going to do that thing I need to do, because I felt useless. I needed to do something but didn't, it was a loop. The more I sat the more wasted I felt. So sometimes it happens that I just jump up and say- that's it, I'm gonna do it now. I love those times.
We just got a radiator from the army by surprise!!
I was at the kaba"n.
He says artists magnify or exentuate emotions that other people don't, so all their (my) emotions are more radical. That's it.
But maybe I can make it be radical on a happier scale.
He said, wow, it's hard to write such personal things (when I wrote something about how I feel). That seemed untrue. It's not hard at all, I told him. I write this kind of stuff all the time on my blog and the whole world can see that. I said, for me there's something artistic about writing what I feel, it's like writing in the name of Art. It's a virtue.
And that made me see the things objectively. Wow, I really write my whole inside out on my blog (well not my WHOLE inside, but a lot of things), I think that's lovely.

Now I'm debating whether to eat ravioli and continue my unhealthy diet of today (when I eat too many oily unhealthy foods I feel icky inside) or go out and buy ingredients for a salad, even though it's cold.
My birthday was fun. It stretched out for a while, and it's actually not even over yet! I'm enjoying it.
The funnest was when Imma and Dena came over and brought Pizza Hut and the most delicious blueberry cheesecake~

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