Monday, January 17, 2011

I know it's not good to just sit here and listen to music and not do anything important for the world or for myself, but I feel like I can't get up and do anything, when I'm alone here. Sometimes (like yesterday), I'm happy and have energy to even go OUT. Now I've been sitting on the bed for about two hours, listening to pretty music on grooveshark and typing up a story I'm writing, and feeling that this is how I am surviving now until this lonely time is over.
I feel like even to sit here and do nothing is hard, so it's fine, for now.
I don't know if I should force myself to do things, to hold a paintbrush and paint, to get up and clean up, to look for lost things, like my engagement ring (it's in a box, not loose, if someone's reading this and thinking- how will I possibly find a single ring), to develop photos.
I can't seem to get myself to get up, in simple words that's just what it is.
Some mornings I seriously feel like maybe I'll be sitting in bed for an hour because i physically can't get up and out of bed. It's like I'm StUcK. Seriously. Weird.
I'm a lazy person, I think.

I wish I could go to sleep every night with the security of my king laying next to me, and waking up every morning to his smiling, sweet face. To his pure, soft body. To his loving heart. To his warmth.

Since i got home three hours ago I haven't done anything important but i will go shower in a few minutes, which I haven't done in a while...

I'm happier than other days.
Exactly four more months!!!!!!!!!!! (OR LESS!!!!!) :)
And G is done in FIVE MONTHS!
It used to be eight, seven, six. Now it's "only" five.
Heck, it used to be two years ("How will we wait two years to get married???" We said, a few months after meeting each other, snuggled in his bed)
And then it was a little over a year (we got engaged)
And 10 months (we got married)
Now it's five. That's 150 days, right?
I think I can manage that.
After about 900 days of being in this, we have 150 left.

I love you!

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