Monday, January 17, 2011

I want to again try to define how it feels:

I can take my fears and sadnesses and package them up and they melt away in the presence of Gilad.
Not complete.
Someone who is protecting me, wrapping me up in a shield of warmth.
There is a place outside of my own self where my nauseating thoughts and fears can go to.
There is a place outside of me, a living being, who can take my fears from me, take them away from me, after they've been sunken into me, and me alone, for my whole life.
Something like that.
There is someone, a living being, outside of my own self, who can soak with my thoughts together with me, so I won't need to do it alone.
I think so.
Someone, from the opposite sex (which means he has strengths that are different from mine, he has qualities different from me which attracts me), someone older than me, and stronger both physically and mentally, who can share my scary mind with me, who can let the thoughts soak between us, and let me have some of his thoughts, so that everything melts together into something serene and okay (okay, as in not frustrating).
That's good, that's true.
It's like laying my scary mind onto a platter of soft yummy cake, and knowing that that's the place for it.
Being able to know that the right place for my mind is a sweet place.

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