Everything I experience, I think of how it would be written in a book, as if my life is a book written by me, every moment of it part of the plot.
And when I hear beautiful songs like "Lonely"
I feel like I wish Gilad would dedicate it to me.
I think what would be so poetically beautiful for Gilad to say and do, and I wish he'd say and do that.
I have to remind myself I'm not in a book and I can't expect him to be a character in my novel.
I think what would sound so nice in the words on that page of the book, what would be nostaligically overwhelming, like all the beauty that makes me cry, I wish I could create those beautiful things in what Gilad does and says, in how we act, but we are us.
Gilad is Gilad.
I will have to understand that this beauty is not shared in emotion between us, only in the words I express to him. He's not like that.
And even if he was