The bike being stolen in driving me crazy. Every night when I try to fall asleep I think of the brand of the bike, "Merida" and how I mistakenly told the policeman that it was "Merina."
I keep thinking, like a nauseating broken record, "merida merida merida" and imagine exactly how it looks on the blue bike. Every night. And I'm so sickened by the fact that someone STOLE it. This obsession of thoughts happens in my sleep sometimes, too (not in relation to the bike), and I wake up feeling sick. In a dream there could be numbers or lists that keep coming and coming and coming obsessively again and again and again, like someone shoving papers into your hand just that it's into my head and all around me, until it makes such a mess in my head that I actually become nauseous and wake up.
Last night I dreamt again about Nana Leila. In this dream she was incredibly weak and every time she came down the stairs, at the last step she would stoop over, almost falling, and we would catch her.
And somehow I knew her time was up, like a ticking clock that only I was aware of, and I kept hugging her and telling her I love her, because I really do.
I really miss her.
I painted a beautiful painting of her (oil on canvas) and it's sitting on the shelves in our apartment so I see her every day.
I don't know if I should send the painting to Pop Pop or not.
In the meantime she's sitting here watching me.