Monday, July 14, 2014

My dearest

Having Nemo is a good lesson toward having future children. Not in terms of what most people would consider preparation, such as taking care of someone or being responsible. To the contrary: I am learning how to never get angry or violent.
I am against any type of violence. I pledged not to ever hit Nemo. But sometimes she does something bad (for instance, chasing and scaring someone when she's loose) and then I get so shaken up that I yell at her, and this morning I even gave her a very light hit on her side. When someone raises a hand at her, even if not intending to hit, she cringes and tilts her head in fear. I hate seeing her frightened. And that's how she looked this morning when I hit her and yelled at her. She did not purposefully do somthing wrong, but I purposefully was mad. I then proceeded to take her home quickly and not continue our regular leisurely walk.  On the way home we met her favorite dogfriend, and I did not even let her stay a while to play with him because I was angry and eager to get home. When we got home I gave her food and water just like every morning and then left the house for work. I forgot something and walked back in and upon my entering she ran quickly under the bed with her tail between her legs.
I cannot explain how bad I feel. I made Nemo scared, and that is the worst and last thing I want to inflict on another living creature. I should not have raised my hand, should not have cut the walk short. Sternly telling her she was bad would have sufficed.
I am not going to be home until late tonight but I feel the need to go home in between my two jobs for ten minutes and hug her tightly. I want to just hug her my whole life. She is so dear, and sometimes I don't feel that I am fit to be the owner of such a precious creature. She does not ever deserve to be hit or to be scared. Ever.

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