Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Divorce, post #2

I don't really know what to write. Some may know, some may not, and I'd rather just write it here on my blog so that there won't be anyone wondering and not asking: Gilad and I are getting divorced. That sounds so awful. I grew up thinking divorce was awful. You know what, it's hard, but it's not awful. It may lead to better things. Maybe some day I'll wake up and realize my life is amazing again. I'm floating along just fine, I'm even happy most of the time, so I'm hoping it'll stay this way.

We've been talking about it for a very long time now. Gilad just isn't happy being married. I accept and understand that. I wish the situation was different but it isn't and I understand. I realize that I have to let people and relationships change. Life is dynamic, I can't force things to stay the same. After coming to the final decision of divorce, it was hard letting people know because society has its opinions about divorce. But who cares. 
And I discovered that "society" isn't as old-fashioned as I thought. So many people are supportive and even in favor, if it's the right thing to do. Well it's the right thing to do if it's what we decide to do. And it's what we've decided to do. 

As it gets closer it gets scarier. I told myself I'll try to keep my spirits high but when I realize that I will be leaving all the things I love- Gilad and everything I feel safe with (our apartment, every room in it, the kitchen the bathroom the bedroom the livingroom, the front door the back door the backyard the carpet the lamps the closet the bedroom, the closeness, the love and maybe even Nemo), I realize I may not feel at home for a little while. I may be lost and lonely (or even depressed and hopeless- but I hope not) for a little while. Maybe even for a long while.

We've been together for six years and married for exactly four. These were a great six years for me. From the moment I first set my eyes on Gilad in 12th grade in moshav Argaman in the Jordan Valley I was in love with him and he was my true love. He was my true and honest love for six whole years. Until now.

Now it ends and we part our ways.

1 comment:

*Astrea* said...

A few days after you told me (maybe the day we talked about the paperwork), I remembered that after failing yet another driving test, I came over to your house and we cleaned your room and you told me about a guy you saw at mechina who was great but has a girlfriend.
And I remember you told me that they split up, and you going to see Gilad towards the beginning (a film festival, maybe?). I feel like I "saw the whole movie" or your relationship, just like you saw ours.
So it's sad, of course.
But I also remember you from way before that day, and I know you have always been a strong, creative, true person.
And I'm here for you for anything- even cleaning your room :-)