Monday, September 08, 2014

Divorce


Based on the letter I wrote to relatives:

Even though we've been thinking and talking about it for a very long time it's still a little shocking to me now that it's actually happening- Gilad and I are getting divorced. So many close and loving people were at our beautiful wedding four years ago and saw how close and truly happy we were together. We really were and are the closest of friends, but over the years we've changed and realized that we do not want to be in this kind of relationship at this point in our lives. Well Gilad is more unhappy in this marriage than I am, and he initially brought up the issue a while back, and I accept his desire to part, and am well aware that relationships are and should be dynamic like ours, and it is right to let change happen. We are going through this process together with the same appreciation for each other we've shared for the past years, but nonetheless we are parting our ways for now, and it's scary and a little sad for me. 

We have not yet started the technical part of the process, but since we got married through the rabbinical system (which was maybe a mistake, because we do not appreciate or want to be part of that corrupt, sexist and homophobic system) we will have to go through all sorts of bureaucracy through that system. We don't yet know where we’ll live and how things will be. They will definitely be hard at the beginning, and I do not expect an easy ride, but I'm trying to keep my spirits high, and know that this may lead to better things.

In life, even while doing things that I love and have a passion for, like art, I always cared (too much) what people thought  of me and always wanted to make a good impression on others. Getting divorced is one of those things that you know people may think badly of, or may look down on or think "they probably just don't know how to work out their problems", because in a way that's what I was brought up believing, but now I know divorce is not necessarily a bad thing and does not necessarily result from fighting or anger, and right now we're doing what's important and right for us, without consideration of other people's expectations. (It would of course make me happier for make all my relatives happy, but not possible in this situation.) It requires a lot of confidence in our decision, and it requires strengthening the knowledge and the belief that individuals must do what is right for them, and them alone, in life (of course without harming other along the way). Just like me being vegan or all the other things I do and believe in, I am trying to stride down this path knowing that it is right and must be done, and looking at the positive things that may be in the future rather than the many things I'm giving up and losing.

I hope this news does not sadden anyone too much. I really do not want people to be sad or feel bad for us. I hope I'll get through this tough time with as much strength as possible. Everything is changing, and change is scary. I had all sorts of dreams of the future that will not happen now, but I'm sure new dreams will take their place, if I let them.


1 comment:

taltalz said...

You are amazing.