Friday, April 17, 2015

How to let the parents know, part 1

Tightly religious communities frame a belief system in which all life practices which are not that one practiced in the community are not legitimate. I grew up feeling that any non-observant Jew who walked in our door just hadn't yet "seen the light" which led him to the "right path". My parents made great attempts to connect non-religious people to the religion, through the notion that their exposure to it will attach them. I hate this outlook and am until today trying to eradicate its effects on my outlook on life.

My path in life is not that of a religious person, not out of rebellion, but out of my inner search for what is right and good for me (which started at some point in life and then just kept on rolling with the power of inertia). I feel like my nonobservance is expected to be explained and excused to those religious people who brought me up, but I don't see the logic in that, seeing as they do not need to constantly be justifying their ways to other people (or actually, maybe they do, and maybe that's why they feel the need to do the same). I do not feel that I have a fundamental objection to religion, it's just not very important to me. Other things are more important to me, and those are the things that pull my strings toward them and web my belief system and life actions.

After that being said, the things I do now in life are very different from those a religious person would do. I don't like the fact that I am even comparing what I do to what's right on a religious scale, because I don't think it even relates to it (because I'm not doing what I do with accordance to that). But I will do it anyway because my parents are religious and see things that way and therefore when explaining certain things I do I will have to relate to religious values and explain my seperation from them.

When I want to have children with Shmuel (which will be quite soon) we will not get married. We will not get married through the rabbanut but probably not married at all in any sort of way. I don't see a reason for it.

I used to not like that thought, because I loved the sentimental thought of a wedding, a white wedding dress, lots of friends, a wedding ring, all the hoopa loopa around the wedding, etc. But that doesn't really seem so important anymore. And since I go by what is important and right to me and not according to a set system of rules, we will not get married. I see no reason to get married in order to have a family. We will have a wonderful family and will raise caring and strong children.

We will live in the spiritual and physical way that suits us and that seems most connecting to our inner strength, serenity and happiness, and most respecting and caring of the world around us.

As the time gets closer I feel like I will need to think of a way to phrase my opinions and plans to my parents in a way that will not sound rebellious but also not apologetic.

I do not need to apologize or justify my way of life. It's the way I feel most connects to the moral righteousness of this beautiful world.

Love, sincerity and respect are what guide me, and will continue to guide me as we move in together, have children together and play our roles in our strange but lovely world.

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