Sunday, January 14, 2018

This January has been amazing




I'm so excited
Not really from anything specific
I guess just from all the specifics together.


We live in this amazing amazing city
I don't know how to define it well enough
But I'm just writing this so that later I'll remember
How wonderful Bellingham is for us.

And also happiness is so fragile
So I'm scared to pop it with these humongous words,
But I felt like I shouldn't forsake or underestimate
it, either. 
So here it is.
The greatness of happiness.








Saturday, January 06, 2018

Here and There


"The thing about dreams is that when I look at the dream - when I aspire to be somewhere - I am an observer. But then when I get there, it's me there. I just walked -- from here to there," and I get up from the wooden chair behind the small round table and walk to the side of the room. "I'm still here. It's still me."
I sit back down. I jot down the idea on the napkin in front of me. The napkin also has musical notes and my friend's name, and two spectrums, to try to understand if "connection" (closeness, intimacy, feeling good with someone) and "dependence" (the inability to see yourself without someone, the need of the person in order to feel good) are two separate issues or if one is the extreme of the other, in relationships.
The warm tea arrives.
Halitatea, it's called. The name of the tea house.
In the center of Jerusalem.

"I say 'wow, that life looks amazing'. But when I get there, it's literally me there. I really cannot escape myself. And in that sense, there is no 'over there'. There is no dream - once I enter it, it is life, it is me, still struggling, still functioning from behind two eyes. Jealousy of other people's lives or of dream-lives (or even just the desire to be somewhere else) derives from the notion that this will not always be the case. That I will in fact be able to go 'over there' without bringing myself with me."



I'm feeling so much gratitude.

Friday, January 05, 2018

A meditation




MEDITATION


I sit comfortably


I relax my muscles,


Starting from the tip of my head


Until the tip of my toes


I relax my jaw muscles


The muscles between my eyebrows


My shoulders


My knees


I sit with my back straight, so that my chest and neck are open


My legs are folded


I take deep breaths


When words come through my mind


To tell me what I'm doing


Or to fill me with dread or other emotions


I intentionally wash them away


I wash away the words


With the river of my being


The current keeps going, flowing


I watch my emotions as they come and go


I watch them, I am not them.


They come and go, they wash away


The river keeps going


I breath


In


Out


I listen to my breath


I listen to the sounds around me


I breath


With each inhale I welcome the air into my stomach


I bring oxygen and energy into every part of me


With each exhale I gently let the air out


I listen


I breath


Words and thoughts are streams in the current


I don't let them linger


I don't struggle, either


I let everything loose


I breath.