Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Tiny Houses

I love Tiny Houses. I want to design the Tiny House we'll live in one day. I don't know if you know this but I have an interest in architecture and interior design. In my high school days I used to sit in class and sketch out blueprints of houses. I stopped at some point and hadn't designed any more houses for years, but recently, when I was on the plane back home to Seattle from my visit in Israel, an idea for a home popped into my head and I sketched it out on paper, the same way I used to do over a decade earlier.

We already got to live in a minivan for a few months, and now we're in a sweet studio apartment, and someday I want a Tiny House on wheels.

Anyway, here are a few photos of Tiny House inspirations:

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

The posts that I write reflect specific emotions I felt at the specific time of writing the post. Often I later reread posts and don't relate to the feelings, the wording, or the significance of the posts in general. In all the years of writing on my blog, I have essentially believed that by writing down different parts of me, eventually I'd get a whole picture. That never seems to formulate, though, since there is always more to tell, there are always many more emotions, speculations and understandings that I did not write down. Sometimes it seems that the better part of me is still in my head, even after spilling hundreds of thousands of words out in this virtual intimate diary. I wonder if the beauty, wonder, self-admiration and attempts of self-discovery and self-redemption ever pervade. I wonder if I am and always will be my number-one fan, and you know what, I guess that's fine.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Beautiful Things

I had an incredible birthday, abundant with the lovingkindness of the people I've met here in Bellingham. Without knowing what to do with all the gratitude, I made a little video with snippets of beautiful things I've videoed in the past two years, including me making my first steps on guitar about a year ago:

Cards and gifts from the sweet kindergartners I teach

Sunday, January 14, 2018

This January has been amazing

I'm so excited
Not really from anything specific
I guess just from all the specifics together.

We live in this amazing amazing city
I don't know how to define it well enough
But I'm just writing this so that later I'll remember
How wonderful Bellingham is for us.

And also happiness is so fragile
So I'm scared to pop it with these humongous words,
But I felt like I shouldn't forsake or underestimate
it, either. 
So here it is.
The greatness of happiness.

Saturday, January 06, 2018

Here and There

"The thing about dreams is that when I look at the dream - when I aspire to be somewhere - I am an observer. But then when I get there, it's me there. I just walked -- from here to there," and I get up from the wooden chair behind the small round table and walk to the side of the room. "I'm still here. It's still me."
I sit back down. I jot down the idea on the napkin in front of me. The napkin also has musical notes and my friend's name, and two spectrums, to try to understand if "connection" (closeness, intimacy, feeling good with someone) and "dependence" (the inability to see yourself without someone, the need of the person in order to feel good) are two separate issues or if one is the extreme of the other, in relationships.
The warm tea arrives.
Halitatea, it's called. The name of the tea house.
In the center of Jerusalem.

"I say 'wow, that life looks amazing'. But when I get there, it's literally me there. I really cannot escape myself. And in that sense, there is no 'over there'. There is no dream - once I enter it, it is life, it is me, still struggling, still functioning from behind two eyes. Jealousy of other people's lives or of dream-lives (or even just the desire to be somewhere else) derives from the notion that this will not always be the case. That I will in fact be able to go 'over there' without bringing myself with me."

I'm feeling so much gratitude.

Friday, January 05, 2018

A meditation


I sit comfortably

I relax my muscles,

Starting from the tip of my head

Until the tip of my toes

I relax my jaw muscles

The muscles between my eyebrows

My shoulders

My knees

I sit with my back straight, so that my chest and neck are open

My legs are folded

I take deep breaths

When words come through my mind

To tell me what I'm doing

Or to fill me with dread or other emotions

I intentionally wash them away

I wash away the words

With the river of my being

The current keeps going, flowing

I watch my emotions as they come and go

I watch them, I am not them.

They come and go, they wash away

The river keeps going

I breath



I listen to my breath

I listen to the sounds around me

I breath

With each inhale I welcome the air into my stomach

I bring oxygen and energy into every part of me

With each exhale I gently let the air out

I listen

I breath

Words and thoughts are streams in the current

I don't let them linger

I don't struggle, either

I let everything loose

I breath.