Sunday, April 07, 2019

Love

I was suddenly thinking about the different emotions that people have that are the collective baseline of intense emotions, the ones that recur, that feel strongest, the ones that draw the shoreline, the outline of one's essence. I asked Tal what those emotions have been for him lately, what are those really monumental emotions, and as I was asking it, in bed feeling tired enough that thoughts flowed fluidly, I was thinking about the ones that were true for me.

Well, for me there are mainly three I think, at least now: shame; regret or a sense of abandonment, which seem to be the same for me; and inspiration or the sense of being in love with individuals in the world or with the world as a whole entity of many sentient heartful beings, and wanting to connect very very deeply.

Oh, sometimes that inspiration is so terribly overflowing that I really don't know what to do with it, how to tame it, how to express it, how to let the love flow, take root, grow; how to turn this white light back into its elemental colors! It fills me with joy, with giddiness. That sense of wanting to be planted inside a world-wide earthy warm hug, in which I can rest and rock, comes and cuddles me into the present moment.

Suddenly it happens; inspiration to express this all. I must grasp this moment; I even think to myself that I must seize these moments of enlightenment to write my whole book! Write write write, do it right now before you go back into literary dullness, I implore in myself.

What is it I wanted to say? What do I want to wrap myself in?

Oh, but it comes and goes all too soon.


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