Monday, September 02, 2019

Well well

Well, after the initial shock I got to work, and now the rhino is his cousin who DOES live in the Amazon rainforest - the tapir!

Post from a few days later:

I was going to post this on facebook, but will post it here instead:

I'm driven to do things in public for causes that are important, but actually running and sustaining projects from start to finish on my own is OUTSIDE of my comfort zone. 

Issue #1 that rises: My default expectation is that people will put me down and think I'm ridiculous (even though in reality I am always BLESSED with such positive feedback in all the things I do, so this fear makes no sense really, but here it is). Issue #2 is that I lose motivation along the way, and do not know how to effectively organize events, with all that they entail, including not knowing how to organize my time in a way that will get things done on time, and also lacking the confidence to make phone calls, and not even knowing what a "press release" is, even though I should be sending one. Issue #3 is that I don't like working alone. I like sharing the responsibilities. I don't like aloneness of the psyche in general. I think solidarity and togetherness is always a better way to go. And if I'm working alone, I at least need human contact, I need close friends to be physically next to me while I work. (And thank god that has been happening, and I have many loving people who are been around and with me, and some of them are helping on many different levels with this event, and I am SO grateful for all the togetherness and community there is in bringing this vision to reality, although I'd be grateful for some more help too.) One good thing I've learned about myself, though, too, is that lately I've been exhibiting a higher capacity than I used to for bouncing back up after falling. There have been already at least three incidents in the past five days that have made me feel like I can't do this, but after a short initial shock and emotional difficulty, I have been able to rise up and decide how I'm moving forth from there. (So it's nice to discover good things about myself too...)

All in all, I will be very astonished with myself if this event turns out to be a success, or turns out to BE at all. But, like most things I do, I often get to the end and don't feel proud. It's more like "oh, okay, I'm here. Now what?" So I doubt I will feel accomplished.

But I am hoping that this workshop and event that we're organizing will cultivate community and creativity around an issue that is important. I hope (as I always do in all the child education I do) that the children under my care today, are going to be more compassionate and caring adults of tomorrow. That is my hope. I hope this will also be an example for children that they have the power, as individuals and as a community, to transform the world into a better place, by using their talents.

(Although, while going through this process myself, and realizing what emotional turmoil I have put myself into by taking this initiative, I am realizing how much EASIER it is to not do things like this, to not take upon oneself the gruesome task of turning a vision into a reality, so I really cannot urge other people to do that, but on the other hand - maybe it's good to go out of your comfort zone every so often and do "ridiculous" things. Life is so fascinating. I allow myself to go through turmoil, for the sake of fully experiencing the waves of this craziness that is life.)

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